Looking after ourselves
Hi @Arizona .
I can really sympathize with your situation - all too well, as a matter of fact.
I'm not too sure what sort of social repercussions there are for women having these sorts of standards when it comes to their sex lives, but for men there's a lot of prejudice.
I was accused by friends of being "bi", because apparently, having no interest in sex outside of a loving, committed relationship isn't entirely hetero. Then, to make things worse, my therapist accused me of having some sort of hormone disorder because I had no interest whatsoever in casual, meaningless, ect. sex.
There's this stereotype of men - particularly young & straight men - being these indiscriminate sex maniacs... "If she's willing, then she checks all the boxes"... and all too often, you get treated as if "there's something wrong with you" if you violate that.
It's starting to feel like it's no longer enough to call yourself straight these days... like we need a separate sub-category to clarify that we're only interested in the opposite sex, but also that love is a non-negotiable necessity. Know what I mean?
And the worst thing is that that prejudice makes it so difficult to meet new people, too. So you've got to walk this impossibly thin line of being who everybody else wants you to be, while also remaining true to your principals, so you can be the man your soulmate (whereever she is) deserves.
@ArizonaNo, I'm not in therapy anymore. I was pronounced "cured" and let go, thankfully.
She was one of the most sexist people I ever met, and that had enormous consequences on my treatment, especially since my biggest problem was my lack of a romantic partnership. Although to be more precise, I think it was less a case of her being prejudiced against a particular gender, and more a case of her having an overall bleak view of humanity - then expressing this by tarring men and women with the ugliest traits of their respective sexual stereotypes, if that makes sense?
I don't think she held men in low regard, as such, because she said a lot of disturbing things about women, too.
I'd love to feel free to just be myself, too, but I've found that's not that simple. If people don't respect you (e.g. because you don't play to their rules), you don't get the invitations to functions; you don't get introductions to new people; and you can often find that strangers have been poisoned with unflattering preconceptions of you before you've even met them.
When you're desparate to meet your significant other, those are the sort of handicaps you really can't afford to be saddled with. So it can really feel like the rest of the world has you over a barrel.
But maybe that's just me.
