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Looking after ourselves

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away

Several people mentioned having to change jobs & living environment, for the sake of their MH & well-being.

Maybe limiting contact with negative people too - that is definitely necessary in my case.

My work environment is toxic.

The system that I've been working under - the constant (weekly) major changes, never knowing where I stand.

I was forced to drive 82 Km, just for a 3 hour work shift - plus transport a client in my own car, at my expense (just for 3 hours work).

This is now frequent.

Never having time to adjust to the constant changed expectations (& procedures).

I feel sick & nauseous, even thinking of going there (or dealing with it).

I've known that I needed to resign (Quit) many months ago, even 1 year ago - yet fear kept stopping me from leaving.

So I never entirely got out, even though I know I absolutely needed to.

The longer I stayed, the worse it got.

Staying there has been literally soul-destroying.

Yet I've remained totally paralysed by indecision, & keep disempowering myself by continuing to work (staying) there.

Adge

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away

The pros & cons of staying or resigning my job became "paralysis by analysis" - reaching no decision & mentally going around in circles (with no end).

 

In the end, I wrote & emailed my resignation anyway - just to break the roadblock of indecision.

 

There is no plan to enact, to deal with the consequences, or to "Re-frame" a positive way forward.

I very much need to work on a plan - which may include renting out a room (or 2) of my house, to gain some small income.

 

I had a very constructive & positive 30 minute meeting with my Team Leader (12.30-1.00pm) this afternoon - he offered to try to limit the demands for work (client) use of my private car.

 

Yet there was little that he could do, as the Disability & Aged care sector now demands that employees use their own car - driving potentially 20,000 Km per year, mostly unpaid.

 

He offered to withhold my resignation letter, if I wished to consider it further (or change my mind) - before having it submitted.

Instead, I very sadly asked him to submit it to HR.

 

My Team Leader agreed with me when I said that working in the "Not for Profit" sector can be Soul-Destroying - with constant changes that we cannot adapt to, with no workers knowing where they stand (or what their rights are).

 

It is the system, not the people that has been causing me such intolerable stress - my employer is unable to change that system (& NDIS funding system).

 

My only way to "opt-out", with the aim (goal) of practicing Better Self-care - was to resign (leave).

 

Adge

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away

I'm uncertain & somewhat confused about any immediate goals or future plans for myself, at the moment.

That's because December's events had such a huge impact on me - that everything virtually came to a stand-still (froze).

I've had some brilliant suggestions, but rather vague - with no face to face support (or services) to enact anything.

So my immediate focus needs to be smaller - ie primarily seeking more on-going supports & therapy groups, if available.

To give myself credit, there have been some big achievements amidst the traumatic events (& coming to terms with that) -

1) I went to see a surgeon privately, & am getting my major hernia surgery 6 months to 1 year sooner (still through public system).

2) I've had some dealings with solicitors (lawyers scare me) - & have sorted out a big financial matter.

I've been having flashbacks (& nightmares), of the dramatic events that happened last December (2018) - they are easing off, thank goodness

Adge

 

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away

😖🤯😏😠🤬🤬🤬😒😖😣😶:angry_face_with_horns:🕳⁉️🖤🤬🤬🤬

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away

Goodo @Adge

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away

I'm doing avoidance therapy atm. It won't work long term, but short term, it's working well.

Overload forces drastic reactions sometimes.

 

@Teej @Adge my support button isn't working 💜💜💜💜💜

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away

I'm aware of my masks mostly. But it seems I've build walls around me, protection. They keep others out and me in. Then there are walls around walls.Too much fear, too much rejection, too much pain, too much of too much, which is never enough of too much.

If I wanted to knock the walls down, what then????? 

 

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away

I'm becoming more aware of my huge mood fluctuations throughout the day... the early mornings and the late nights make it hard to get the rest i need... from dawn till noon till dusk-constantly wrestling with my symptoms... constantly loosing the battle... there is huge mental upsets with even the slightest triggers I'm exposed to... always fighting to get my life together and make everything right-when really everything will never be alright... there has been to much trauma in my life to ever completely recover... i am going to just take the medicine the psychiatrist prescribes and live a mellow low key life... the worst thing I'm having to deal with is the worst case scenarios running through my mind... never being able to tell is they're true or false... having them effects my mood... like my mood was a leaf in the wind... and trying to distract myself from these thoughts all day long... it's paranoia from what i can tell... also I've become tired of constantly reaching out for help... it's become a whole different problem in it's own right... i dearly wish i could just lead a normal life... never did i expect to fall mentally ill as a child who dreamt and visioned the perfect life... all my hopes and dreams were shattered on that day i came out of the cotton wool...

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away

My Mum passed on my contact details to the perpetrator of my childhood SA - he phoned & then emailed me, last night.

I had made it very clear to my Mum (& brothers) that I want no contact with this person, who is related.

My closest relatives repeatedly dishonour my wishes, & put my well-being at risk.

They still manage to do that, from the other side of the country (3000km away).

Adge

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

Its hard trying to live when your such a replaceable thing. The one thing i was ok at and now ive been replaced in that too. At least they found someone better, wouldn't be hard to do really. 

I really just dont fit in anywhere. I guess im just that sort of person..
My thoughts are drowning me and i can barely breathe anymore. The mental and physical pain is so hard to bare.

One foot in front of the other seems like a hard thing to do right now but i dont think i have much choice, just have to keep doing it.

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