Am Not Coping

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Shaz51 

Thanks @Zoe7 It really does help to talk about past therapy with you. The main thing I have taken from it is that I turned up. Again and again, despite difficulties and bias.  I needed it.  I was isolated and my family did not understand or even really try to reach me.  I was not trying to be difficult, but make it really easy for them, be cheerful, jump to volunteer etc.  I connected better with the body of ideas in therapy than any one therapist.  In some ways it could be seen as a career in therapy, but the alternative would have been death, so it was necessary.

Last night I joked and laugh about "being in one's head" with a scientist and talking about body issues which is pretty par for the course at my age. It was nice to feel somehow relevant and still light hearted. I am getting a sense of how long it really takes to develop relationships.  Some of these people in the music scene I have known for 10 plus years and I keep bumping into people.  I never really got that earlier because of all the moves as a child.

I dont have a bosom buddy type special person, but its even better that I have a range of people to relate with.  I still feel awkward and tentative; session before last session I was a bit explosive, but sometimes it is met with strength and recognition.  My anxiety lessens as I have a sense the choir wants me even if I am not perfect.  I feel that in 2 choirs atm. 

All my struggle to stay and bend my mind and heart to fit into the church choir was not wasted, as I had to process church stuff (and so has society and the justice courts) and I learned a lot of music, but it is no longer necessary. I dont feel such a square peg in round holes ... I am better at finding out what a good fit is, rather than whipping myself and forcing myself into a pattern for others.  I would never have expected that for my students, but was unconscious about how much I did it to me.

I have a support worker today.  

Hope your day goes well.

[Zoe7]

From what you have written for a while now @Appleblossom you do seem to be finding your place in the choirs you are participating in and that is a great thing. I do love hearing your positive interactions with others and those little moments when you connect with other people as well. 

I think the thing with any kind of therapy is you both have to be ready for it and have to connect on a certain level with the therapist ...at least feel comfortable in their presence. There is certainly a lot that we pick up over the years though that we can often work through ourselves but a really good therapist who works with us and our needs is worth their weight in gold.

[Appleblossom]

I still have visibly awkward behaviours, clenching and picking at myself, but I just keep going I guess.

@Zoe7 

[Zoe7]

You do keep going @Appleblossom and that in itself is something to celebrate and be proud of 

[Shaz51]

ohhhhhh @Zoe7 , @Appleblossom , @MDT , @Snowie , @Former-Member , @Faith-and-Hope , @Sam3 , @soul , @Sans911 , @Former-Member , @BlueBay , @oceangirl , @Razzle 

 mum wants to cancell the intersistion team ???

" is she happy where she is ??

"she is a private and indepentent person ??

" does she want more ??

being nearly 88 , is what she has now is enough xxx

my mind is going into overload about wednesday when I meet my with mum`s nurse -- do I go with what the nurse is suggesting or do I go with what mum would like ???

ohhhh i meet up with mum and the nurse on wednesday xxx

[Former-Member]

Hi @Shaz51  I responded on your other thread.

Evening all ... @Zoe7 @Appleblossom @MDT @Snowie @Faith-and-Hope 

Sherry

[Zoe7]

@Shaz51 There is a point where you need to do what will help you as well. Your Mum also needs the best care possible but you cannot keep looking after her the way you have been and look after yourself as well. Your Mum has been in and out of hospital with falls lately and that is no quality of life for her. It is a big decision you have to make but you also need to seriously consider the toll this is all taking on you - you can't be there for your Mum if your health is suffering as well. 

[Zoe7]

Evening @Former-Member Quiet night here for me - probably won't be long before I am heading to bed. How is your headache - has it subsided throughout the day?

[Pepsimax]

Hi @Zoe7@Shaz51 it's good you want to help your Mum but you need to look after yourself too

[Former-Member]

Oh @Zoe7  its been an awful day. I still have the headache, plus an earache.

And my brother rang this evening and delivered the dreadful news that his baby daughter has died at 12 weeks gestation. He and his wife were in the neonatal unit in their nearest city today for tests. Initial ultrasound detected no heartbeat.

They are both devastated. Only just over the initial shock of being pregnant. Then the exciting news of a new bub. Now ... nothing. 

I'm at a complete loss as to what to say or what to do. What can you say?

@Zoe7 @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @outlander 

Sherry  😩