Am Not Coping

[Zoe7]

@BryanaCamp 

I am feeling really hurt right now. A lot of us including me have past hurts that we have to deal with. I have had to deal with a long history of multiple abuses, assaults and violence perpetuated against me over a very long time and by many people. I feel the weight of my history and how it affects me. None of us here sit alone wanting or needing support to get through those memories nor wanting life to be different. We do not really know what each other goes through each and every day. I still struggle every night not wanting to sleep because I fear that I won’t wake up or even worse hoping that I won’t wake up so the pain will end.

None of us sit alone in finding life a continual struggle nor in battling the demons of that past continually in life. We are all here because we all have things that affect our mental health and it is that itself that unites us. If we are to take anything away from this it is that we are not alone in the struggles that life presents us and that being part of this community brings with it a togetherness and understanding that the issues we are all dealing with can be shared and understand – and through that we support each other.

[Owlunar]

Thanks for letting us know your good news @Zoe7  - that's excellent

I can hear that you are having trouble with the forum atm and I understand - imo we do the best we can here and take care of our own needs - which you are doing

And when you feel better things will normalise - 

It will be okay - this will pass

Dec

[BlueBay]

Really really happy for you lovely @Zoe7 ❤️❤️

[eth]

I'm really happy to hear the pressure is off about knowing where you'll be working for the rest of this year @Zoe7 .  And I think your last post is beautifully written.  You at your best.  Lots and lots of love xx

[Faith-and-Hope]

Agreed ❣️

@eth @Zoe7 

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope @eth @BlueBay @Owlunar @Bunniekins @Former-Member @Sans911 @Snowie @outlander @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @Teej @CheerBear @Adge and everyone passing through...

I am in no way completely safe at the moment but holding on. I so badly need sleep after an extremely difficult night and a very long day. I managed to get to work and get throught the day but it was obvious that I wasn't very good. One of the teachers who I have confided a little in sat next to me and asked how yesterday went. She knows it is often a tough day for me and said she could see I was not myself. I did not tell her much but she had already gathered that I was not okay. Another teacher sent me in from duty to get some rest - there were 2 other teachers on duty today so I was not needed out there.

Before that happened the principal spoke to me about what he had discussed with HR. The HR person agrees that I should be staying at that school so whilst it has not been finalised on paper as yet it will be soon. That was also a relief to hear but until I have the actual paperwork myself I still have some fears that it won't go ahead. He did also say that there are people going on long service leave and that it would be a good idea for me to work my way back into the classroom role through that. I know the assistant principal was going to discuss with him me taking the 1/2 next term as well so that is still something to be considered also. I am honestly not sure I can do that though at the moment and it may be better for me to continue on in the role I am doing - especially after how I have been feeling lately ...not sure what to do so will let it play out between the 'powers that be' and then deal with whatever happens as a result.

The positive I can take out of all this is that I am wanted there and appreciated. It is also something to look forward to in a time that I can't see much light. I can't talk to my pdoc for another week as she is on leave presently but she will be back next Wednesday for my usual appointment and I need to seriously talk to her about how I have been feeling - within that will be a discussion around meds no doubt,

Holding onto any little thing I can right now and getting through day by day - that is all I can do until this pain and hurt lessens (hopefully).

[outlander]

hi @Zoe7  its good to see you and thank you for the update  

I dont have many words but im hearing you, thinking of you and walking along side you. Sending many hugs 

[Shaz51]

here for you my sister @Zoe7 

sending you hugs

have a bit on my mind at the moment my sister , soo happy to see you xxx

[Zoe7]

Love to you too @Shaz51 

[Shaz51]

did not want to tell you all about it @Zoe7  at the moment as i am comcerned about you my sister xoxo