Lived Experience Forum

[trying_again]

It’s like my mind is mostly empty until a traumatic memory appears. 

I don’t seem to have many thoughts or internal monolog unless I really force it, either. 

Does anyone else experience this? 

I’m sure I used to think about ideas and

things too…

But now it’s like I’m just on autopilot mode with no thoughts until a memory pops up. 

I find it hard to think independently too, it’s like my opinions are just other peoples that I internalise. 

I think I’ve been like this for a long time but it definitely feels worse since I was out on antipsychotics a few months ago. 

Has anyone else had this as a side affect of meds? 

I feel like my memory and overall problem solving is down the drain too.

[DogMan79]

Apparently only 50-60% of people have an internal monologue

Some people think visually as one alternative

[StanD]

I have this too @trying_again thanks for posting your experience.

I have opposing ideas about it.

When I am experiencing actual trauma, I will stare into space, it feels like no thoughts at all are in my head. I cannot focus on things like tv or music. It is sensory overload. I feel like a zombie. I experience severe anxietys too.

In moments when I feel well, I feel like I'm in a dream state. There is not many thoughts about things in particular in my head. Except, I get very excited about doing the next thing & have 6 activities going at once. This usually leads to anxietys & overwhelmed.

I need to have awareness that focus on one thing at time. Very difficult.

I don't know that our brains are that smart anyway. Having no thoughts is maybe the way we are meant to function. If I think of a baby, the natural mind is likely not having inner dialogue, it simply is.

I am slowly learning that I already know myself & taking on other people's opinions is not relevant or productive.

It can be very difficult. Easy to get confused. I rely heavily on other people to guide me & also, there is nothing wrong with being discerning. I try to value how I feel, rather than what my brain tells me. The brain can run in circles trying to find reasons for things. 

Our feelings are complex too. A counsellor mentionedv example of feelings of anger when loved one passes away. 

Objectively, anger would be incorrect feeling. If that makes sense.

Let feelings happen, good & bad, joy & tragedy. There is not always justifiable reasons why the emotions occur, however, all feelings are valid. 

I try to be kind to myself. Not easy. Self Compassion. 

Hypothesis: maybe the thoughts disappear when they don't make sense anymore. The mind goes blank.

It doesn't feel nice. It's a sense of losing oneself. Losing identity. 

The AP definitely stopped my thinking. I think it was good thing because all my thoughts were stressful. 

I have memory problems & problem solving takes huge mental effort.

Try to rest. It's ok. The mind & body are mysterious. I want to believe they are self healing. Far more than we have the any idea of. 

I appreciate that what you are experiencing is scary & not fun. The mind will come good again. I think we get very overloaded, as you mentioned traumatic memories. These have been buried for so long. The mind & spirit needs time to heal. 

Talking to counsellor, psychologist is helpful to unload ask of the things you are going through.

[Carasmatic]

Yesssss @trying_again me too…

I feel like it was from before I was on my antipsychotics, when your in full psychosis mode! It’s like you have melted the ingoing and outgoing data receptors in your brain or something?

Now I have hardly any past memories, people bring up stories about what’s happened in the past and I don’t remember these events at all or they are very fuzzy! Even people telling me where we’re going for dinner on Saturday night and I forget the location or I don’t even soak in the information in the first place. 

Now I’m on my antipsychotics I just feel dumb, like I have no intellectual thoughts or anything to share in conversations cause i don’t have the words to get involved.

Even writing this I’ve had to spell check and think carefully about what I’m writing I think I did alright with the word intellectual that’s my one big word of the week done and dusted. 

I feel like I have onset dementia I forget everything literally.

Unsure if you can relate to what I’m saying, I just read your post and thought woooh that’s so me. 

I’ve thought about downloading a brain teaser game to get my brain going but that’s as far as I went just a thought no action! 

If you find the solution to gain memory again please share with me 🙏