Fragile

[Appleblossom]

I made a decision today to pull out of the concert in April with the group with the badly behaved psychiatrist. I had a really good discussion with the conductor, and she understands. She has been overcompensating for her as well, but its tricky with the current political climate. I may go back to the group later in the year, but having a good break and can be busy with other projects, where I can be more upfront about mental health stuff without stigma or awkwardness or judgment.  Just a blessed relief. I have done so many concerts, that is not my need. Having decent rapport and connection is more important than music per se. i have done the ... putting my feelings aside to focus on the music for decades.  So I guess its my year to be free... and be me. 

@AlwaysMyself @Dimity @Till23 @Shaz51 

[Dimity]

@Appleblossom I hesitate to use the term narcissist - I think it's been overused since being popularised - but your nemesis may well be one, and removing yourself from her orbit for a while  sounds very healthy.  I'm sure you have lots to go on with - comedy, cabaret, different iteration s of church music, and your own musical buddies and students.

Have you chosen your costume yet?

[Appleblossom]

I agree its best to be sparing about that n word.  @Dimity 

I am not teaching a lot at the moment.

For the comedy - My son said he wanted me to be proud as a teacher and to dress that way, so I will wear a skirt and top with a burgandy felt hat with poppies and a quail feather.

For the cabaret - I have green glitzy long dress, which I will cover with green garbags, and do a reveal when its appropriate for the show.

[Dimity]

Sounds quite intriguing @Appleblossom . All befitting the content no doubt.

I'm a bit lost for words again, sorry, it's been a bad day for me.

I hope you've had a lovely birthday day.

[Appleblossom]

gentle hugs @Dimity 

I am here, when you do find the words.

I know what its like to be short on words...a lot. 

I open my mouth but nothing comes out... problem comes if a fly goes in. 

I worked to get words. Words are often meant to commnicate feelings, but gee I find that tough sometimes. Writing is easier than speaking. I need "formal supports" and practice doing the social stuff on them, cos I must often say the wrong thing cos I was isolated most of my life.

I had 3 texts for my birthday, one from a support worker. I cooked with my son, and we ate together, so that was lovely. I will go and look at the birthday thread here. It really helped me keep keeping on.  I was a little worried about my son as he stayed mostly in his room, but I also know my anxiety doesn;t help. So, I go with the flow.  He at least admitted he was low, which is progress, being able to say it.

[AlwaysMyself]

@Appleblossom i just read a comment that your bday is coming up this week or in the past week, so I'm "getting in early" (or late?) whilst online to wish you a "happy as possible day" and say that i am glad you exist. 🥰. I hope that others around you share with you why they love you and that you are important to them. 😍

Ps - still behind in tags (but only 1 week behind now!) So appologies i am not up to date on your thread (or elsewhere) yet. Im not "ignoring" things said - i just havent read it yet 😬

[AlwaysMyself]

@Appleblossom and now i've caught up on your thread i can see your bday was indeed during this past week (not still upcoming) 😅.

So they are happy belated birthday wishes 😅🤗

[Appleblossom]

Thank you. i love your thoroughness @AlwaysMyself 

I had a quiet birthday, but overall a good birthday week.  More sense of care and community than earlier in my life.  Grateful for those ex[eriences in real life and here online.

You do you. No need to apoligise for when you respond.  Its the authenticity that makes this place healing for me.

[AlwaysMyself]

@Appleblossom I choose to believe that acknowledging my mistakes and "failures"/shortcomings help build trust 😊 and also show others by demonstration that its ok to make mistakes and not be perfect - which is why I chose to not edit my previous post and instead do a second post. 😋

Sometimes I also find humour in the inconsequential mistakes people make, like my not knowing if the birthday was past or still future lol. Schrodinger's birthday! 😂

I'm glad it was a good overall birthday week for you, with more care and community than in your younger years. 😊🤗

[Shaz51]

@Appleblossom , @Dimity , @Till23 , @tyme , @AlwaysMyself , @moderator @Chasingsunsets 

Thought I would write to you here 

I don't want to discourage fluttershy1 about the coffee and chat and am letting her do them 

I am missing everyone in forumland,  and there is so much going on at the moment 

Hoping to be back into it all soon