Fragile

[Nala2022]

Hi @Appleblossom 

It sounds like such a meaningful and special experience overall, both with the show and your family gathering 💛

Your performance honestly sounds incredibly human and authentic. I can imagine your mix of music, humour, honesty and hope would have stayed with people.

It’s also lovely to hear how meaningful the time with your family and niece was for you. That sounds really precious 😊

[Dimity]

Hi @Appleblossom . The support button wasn't working when I first read your post.

So glad the show and family gathering were successful. And the day was significant. Sounds like you did justice to your family,  living and dead. Momentous. 

[Appleblossom]

Thank you very much @Dimity  and @Nala2022 

Pity about support button.

Your posting matters to me

[AlwaysMyself]

@Appleblossom sorry to hear about your son having another episode/incident (sorry, forgetting what word you used), but relieved to hear he was not sectioned. That's a thing to be hopeful for that the system may be slowly changing in this practice, even if it is very much a matter of which individual you get that decides? 

I wonder if you may be interested/encouraged to hear that I know of a crisis-team psychiatrist has actually been more mindful of taking the time to sit & chat to in-crisis patients first to see if they can be de-escalated to avoid mandatory holds and/or treatment orders, as well as taking the time to really talk to ones with suspected psychosis to differentiate between psychosis, cptsd-reaction, or other things that could explain the presenting perceptions/thoughts (which then can be de-escalated and not require detention or treatment orders). It makes me feel a little safer knowing they work in my local crisis response team 😅, not that I plan to be in that situation - but if I was, I'd be asking if he was on-shift to instead speak to 😅.

Sounds like the show went well. 🙂 . I love how you acknowledged and handled the minor error in the piece - and that it really isn't a problem that distracts from the overall piece and enjoyment of it. 🙂 . 

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @AlwaysMyself 

Yes it is good to hear about the fellow de-escalating and talking to people and putting thoughts and feelings into context.  There needs to be more of it.  

Significant natural form

[Dimity]

Thoughts for you @Appleblossom 

Poet Alison Davis finds blessings for those who are on the edges of who they are and what they think they know:

“A Blessing for Those at the Edge”

Maybe you walked here.
Maybe you ran here.
Maybe you followed a trail of stones, of feathers, of flowers,
of scents, of sky.
Maybe you went afoot with the Mystery & so how you got here
is also a mystery.
But here is where you are & here
is always its own kind of blessing & here
at the edge, blessings compound.

Bless those at the edge of the river
of their heart,
full of promise.

Bless those at the edge of the morning,
singing the bright face of day
into the blue.

Bless those at the edge of what they know,
watching the old certainties crumble.

Bless those at the edge of doom,
bearing it out, as the famous bard wrote,
with or without the draw of a happy ending.

Bless those at the edge of love
of self, of other, of world,
as the way forward grows more subtle, less sound.

Bless those at the edge of language,
whose tongues & tales & names
are more pledge than guarantee.

Bless those at the edge of believing
a life can be lived at the edge.

[Appleblossom]

Beautiful @Dimity Thank you.

I saw your Winter Solstice thread.  Sorry about the fmaily misunderstanding. We are coming up to it again,  Seasons and Cycles...

We have had a lot going on here. Its not good. Son is in hospital.  I am worried I am losing him to his distress about the harms from the system, but he seems to sabotaging self, and not seeing ways forward.  Hospitalisations are now there own cycle.

Heartbroken.

Spoke with a pastor today about getting involved with faith based peer work in real life, not online. I thought it was good to have an integrated approach.

I have rocky seas ahead regarding my son. Cant say too much.

My computer was broken so I could not log in for a week.

[Dimity]

🫂 Gentle hugs @Appleblossom . It's a weighty load you carry - I won't call it a burden. Your son - and my difficult family member - are autonomous adults making perhaps sometimes questionable decisions that may well be driven by their ill health and often it seems all we can do is be present and/or available for them, and love them. 

Christian counselling sounds a good fit for your interests,  qualifications and experience,  from the little I know of you. A good friend I parted from many years ago chose that path. She too was well qualified academically and through life experience,  and through her strong faith.

I've mentioned Bill and Kristi Gaultiere's Soul Shepherding ministry to you before. They're doctors of psychology ministering mostly to pastors and church leaders but their materials are accessible and relevant even to heathens like me. I get a lot of comfort from their posts, podcasts and writings. They're the most high profile Christian counsellors I'm aware of, and their ministry includes training for and practice by spiritual directors. 

It sounds like a dark and difficult time for you, and I know there have been many, but I trust that as you say the seasons and cycles will turn again and soon. I just hope for you that legal issues aren't pending again, of whatever kind, as they can leave indelible marks. I won't ask. 

Good to see you - I do care.

[Appleblossom]

Thanks so very much @Dimity 

I never thought of you as a heathen.

I told the pastor, I cannot do heavy evangelising, and he is not the type.

I call myself a doubting Thomas, but as you rightly intuited, I have walked on the edge a lot.  It has been mostly prayer life that has kept me alive, whatever form of contemplation it has been.

I have a Christian support worker coming tomorrow.  We do a cleaning session and talk together.  My psychologist seems good, but I am very very weary.

I had hope and I am concerned for the broader group of cousins. I dont want things to be disheartening for any of them.

Our conversation on the forum has been nurturing for me. Though I know we both struggle.

I feel your care.