Fragile

[Appleblossom]

Spot on @Dimity yes I meant to link Tim Fletcher.

oops

@AuntGlow actually it’s worse. It interfering in my son’s relationship with his son, without doing any of healing and recognition of what has gone on historically. with triangulation bullying and cut offs. Yes it will impact me too. Definitely impact the little boy who has been robbed of my time and love for 5 years.

I am deemed unworthy and my son is deemed unworthy. I am not sure what to do. It was always a complicated situation. Should I defend myself, stand up and be counted, escalate and do legal battle? Not sure. I had withdrawn. If so I will edit some texts. Not expecting you to answer or solve. Just rhetorical questions.

Music is definitely not more important than my family but it has been an integral part.

[Appleblossom]

Hugs @Bunniekins actually the talk by Tim Fletcher is

https://www.youtube. com/watch?v=VWktnnPa8Xs 

[Cuddlebear]

@Appleblossom  How are you lovely? I’m so happy to hear you’ve found a community where you are seen and appreciated. It’s also really cool that your teacher also came and it must have been awesome seeing them after such a long time. The concert sounds like it was beautiful and music is so awesome for bringing people together too. 

I hope too that this sustains you. I’m really glad you are realising just how worthy you are and that you are someone who anybody would feel so happy to call a friend. 

What are your plans for today? 

[Cuddlebear]

@Appleblossom  Hello friend. How are you? I will watch this a little later today. Thank you so much for including me in learning about your journey. 

[AlwaysMyself]

@Appleblossom I love that you have a sense of community and the joy and satisfaction you get from your music. 😍 I think it is such a great and valuable thing to have. And agree it does not have to compete with your value for your family -- you can totally have both!

*more hugs* re: son & grandson. I wish I knew what to say.

I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" option from what you are considering, because I know you have both your and your family's best interests at heart. And both situations will likely be stressful (for different reasons) and whether or not you can take those stressors on now or not - only you can say.

I wonder if listing out the pros & cons, risks and rewards, of each option may help evaluate? (thinking of including things like "what if the outcome isn't in your favour? What if the outcome is? what are the short-term impacts? what are the long-term impacts?)

You seem to have really good thinking/mulling, and knowing yourself more and more as you continually grow. 😍. My prayers that you will find/feel the right answer inside yourself as you contemplate.

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @Cuddlebear

Today I just had a zoom psychologist call and a session with a prospective support worker. He is young and decent and caring so I have  booked him in for next week.

I played a little music and did a little writing and reading.

My son cooked chicken Kiev.

 @AlwaysMyself 

My circumstances are tricky around family. It always has been. Decisions involve more than my needs and opinions. I should be able to have both family and music but it hasn’t panned out that easily. Yes, not a right or wrong answer. 

Thank you both for caring.

[Cuddlebear]

@Appleblossom  Good morning how are you today my friend? 

I am so glad you have a new caring support worker starting. Having a decent support worker can really make a big difference and I’m really hoping it works out well on first shift. 

Chicken Kiev soubds yummy. 🙂 It’s nice when someone cooks dinner for you. 

Yes you should be able to have both family and music. Family and decision making can be tricky. Solutions are not always easy are they. Sometimes a too write a list of like pros and cons which at least gives me some insights. 🙂 You are so good at thinking things through just like you have done with the music you are involved in. Take your time too and make decisions at your own pace. 

Do you have anything on today? 

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @Cuddlebear 

I have been busy, though had a quiet morning. I did some gardening, supermarket shopping, a zoom and lamb roast.

what did you get up to?

[Cuddlebear]

@Appleblossom  How are you lovely? Lamb roast is so good had one last week. 🙂 What are you upto today? 

how’s your garden going? What type of plants do you like growing? 

Im doing best I can. This antidepressant taper is still on going. It’s so hard. It helps having the forums here and people like you to chat to. I’m otherwise alone. 

Yesterday I had GP and too my fur baby for a run after we finished running errands. Had my support worker for a few hours yesterday but don’t have them again till Friday. 

[Appleblossom]

@Cuddlebear 

I am glad you got things done with your support worker. Hang in there til Friday. Tapering is difficult and having sight issues may make that doubly difficult. Take care of yourself and your fur friend.

 I am making lamb soup as I usually do after a roast. Both yummy in my tummy.

I had my support worker this morning for a 3 hour shift. We talk for at least an hour and then do cleaning together. Today, because so much has gone on, we spoke for 2 hours. It has been crucial for me to be able to unpack family and social stuff in a coherent manner. I do believe she is doing her best to understand and be decent regarding my son and I. It is so complex that well meaning people and professionals get confused too often about basic identification of what is going on with whom. So, shifting staff, it doesn’t matter how “ good “ they may be, seems to result in mistakes. 

Anyway, we got the serious and sad topics discussed and had a good work and talk vibe, as little ole laydees may be inclined to do. So finally I am a woman with woman type conversations. I was so moved around and isolated as a kid, and there were not many women in STEM back then. So over 40 years bridging all the gaps, incorporating science and life.