Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

it could possibly be related to your ptsd @Jlol it might be traumatizing each time you have an argument but it might be a good idea to investigate why your arguing and why your so angry as well. it might be time to sit with your partner and get to the bottom of this.
the dissociation does sound abit extreme though for ptsd. has anyone mentioned another psychiatric disorder that makes you forget alot of whats happening in your day to day life

@tyme@Jynx@amber22@TideisTurning  @fluffylight would be interesting to hear the perspective of you guys

[TideisTurning]

Thanks for the tag @outlander 😊 

@Jlol, I've had it explained to me that sometimes during trauma, the part of the brain in charge of making memories shuts off, I think to allow more energy to be concentrated into surviving. This may explain the amnesia you described? I’d also encourage you to check out Blue Knot Foundation, which is an organisation that specialises in trauma- they have resources and also a helpline you can call if you feel like it might be helpful to talk with someone 1:1 non urgently.  

[-o-o-]

@Jlol yes, I have complex PTSD. I have had for 45 years and the thing is? living with it? I made choices that compounded it over and over again.
In the beginning- Some symptoms were very obvious- I developed narcolepsy and cataplexy. I had severe hypnogogic hallucinations, I went into dissociative states... I had extreme intrusive flashbacks.
But some endured and were more subtle and derailing- fawning..... always having to make eveything safe and comfortable for people, always having to save / fix things.... strange impacts on my eating.
These resulted in some habits in relationships and work which could be described as co-dependent. In relationships? Severe relationship ending triggers - or worse... accepting entering into relationships where I was not safe/ equal.
So many many impacts.
I did not get effective treatment early on. for many reasons.
Yoga and meditation have been my best treatments at this late stage- talk therapy can completely foul foot me and has never resulted in any significant progress. Somatic ( bodily) practices have most definitely been more effective.... that and knowing I am not alone.... being in group... like for me ... Alanon - not perfrectly aligned to what I went through... but a group I could resonate.

[Jlol]

Thanks @-o-o- 

Wow. The more I read about other's experiences the more they match my own. 

I had to Google 'cataplexy' - yep I thin\k I've had that. I worked very hard for a while, 2 jobs, over 12 hour days. Some nights I would come home and my knees would give out and I would collapse on the floor and kind of just cry there pathetically. I just thought it was from exhaustion.

"always having to make eveything safe and comfortable for people" - yep. I don't want the stress of people being upset, so I go out of my way to do things to make them as comfortable as possible.

"These resulted in some habits in relationships and work which could be described as co-dependent" - Yeah, me too. Whenever a relationship has ended I've tried to pick up a new one as soon as possible. It's like I don't want to be alone with my own thoughts and problems or something.

"accepting entering into relationships where I was not safe/ equal" - holy cr$p this is me. Ignoring the red flags when getting into a relationship, but getting in deep anyway. I don't know why I do it.

"talk therapy can completely foul foot me and has never resulted in any significant progress" - Ditto. I must have tried at least 25 different counsellors and psychologists over as many years. Must have spent tens of thousands of dollars. Nothing changed and it always felt like I was wasting time and money. Towards the end I started to get really bitter towards the industry (still am I think - I'm annoyed none of these professionals picked up on this earlier). 

Perhaps I should try a group one day.

Many thanks for your reply

[Shaz51]

@Healandlove 

This thread may interest you 

@Jlol , @-o-o- , @TideisTurning , @outlander , @peps 

[Healandlove]

@Shaz51 , thank you for the tag to this discussion. 

@Jlol , firstly I am sorry you have experienced trauma resulting in cptsd. I also have childhood trauma but it has not been diagnosed as cptsd yet. It was explained to me that due to having safe attachments with family members as a child that basically made all the difference for me. Nonetheless I did develop anxious attachment and the need to heal everyone,  fix everything and to be responsible for others' happiness. My therapist is still trying to figure out how to help me and EMDR is my next step to help with feelings of shame, guilt, loss and trauma.

I also speak from the point if view of carer as my husband was diagnosed with cptsd this year. Childhood trauma and no secure attachments for him. He developed a  personality that makes it hard to connect with others, having empathy at times, anger issues, depression and inferiority complex. He us getting therapy and we are also doing couple therapy as the cptsd has really affected our marriage.  It is a slow road but I am holding on to hope that we will get there. He also suffers from nightmares but these are getting a bit better due to his therapy.  I have a lot of empathy and understanding for how he is as a person but have also learnt to set boundaries for my own mental health and that of my children. As carer or support person of someone with cptsd I would say the most important thing is being able to talk to him about triggers and how we can disagree respectfully without getting into a heated argument.  The couple psychologist encourages him to use a safe word when he feels like he is overwhelmed by a discussion and triggered to react angrily. On hearing this word I need to stop discussing with him whatever it is we are talking about and leave it to another moment when he is calm to reopen the topic. It is his responsibility to come to me and let me know when he is ready to talk. So far he hasn't managed to remember the safe word but I know when he is becoming overwhelmed and I verbalise I will back off but we need to continue the discussion when he is calm. It is a work in progress but by having this strategy it has at least helped me recognise that he feels overwhelmed a lot. Perhaps you can try this with your partner and take the time to journal why you are upset. It may help you remember and come back to the topic later? The thing about conflict is that due to my experience as a child I grew up hating conflict and feeling insecure whenever someone didn't agree with me. My anxiety then took over and I had to fix everything.  But in reality respectful conflict is a good thing, same as setting boundaries.  And the most important thing is the resolution after the conflict.  Enables growth and reconnecting, specially as a couple. I hope some of this has been helpful.  Happy to help with any questions. This community is amazing and you will not feel alone here.

Sending you healing hugs. 

[Sharon25]

Yes, I have complex PTSD. The best thing I learned was to recognise the triggers. Where do they come from, why now. Recently I broke with the last member of my family of origin, that is where it all started. For me almost soon after birth. Years of emotional neglect, we lived like little islands in the same house. The consequence was I didn't know how to live like 'normal' people and protect myself. Always pleasing others to be accepted and hoping for the feeling to belong. My story is a lot more complicated, but I am new too, this is my first post.

I navigate my life around my traumas (caused by people over the years) and accept what I cannot have in my life. I cannot live with other people in the same house for example, I feel safe when I am alone and I feel it as a blessing that I am able to do that. Animals are my housemates.

I wish you strength for your coming journey. You can do it.

[PizzaMondo]

Hi @Sharon25,

Sending you a biiiiiggggg welcome to our SANE forums! We're glad you've found us here and hope that you feel safe and comfortable within our community, finding connections, hope and perhaps some new skills and strategies to aid your mental health journey 🙂

Thank you for sharing a little about yourself and your journey with C-PTSD. I know that this can look very different in each of us, with varying symptoms, triggers and reactions.

I like that you have been able to work towards acceptance of what you cannot have in your life and respect your needs - in regards to knowing how you feel more comfortable living on your own and with animals ❤️

Look forward to seeing you around on here! Here to listen and answer any questions you may have.

Warmest,
PizzaMondo 🙂

P.S. Just as a heads up for the future, if you are responding to a post and want to notify the other member of your response, remember to tag them! Just add the @ sign in front of their name, like I have done to yours, and then they'll be able to have better access to read your replies, etc. 🙂

[Sharon25]

Will do that PizzaMondo! Thank you for pointing it out to me. 🙂

[Sharon25]

@outlander I wonder if your intense anger is really meant for your spouse. It seems to me you are triggered. Could your anger be meant for the person(s) that caused your trauma? If so, I can understand you cannot remember it later. It is a different reality. I don't know if this makes sense to you, but I hope it rings a bell somewhere.