Lived Experience Forum

[Sahara]

Hello @Hope4me,

I can really relate to you. Hi to @Sophia1- I am now trying to work out who you are!

A special hello to @Corny, as I believe I have not met you before. 

@Hope4me, when you say that our emotions are held somewhere in our bodies, I so believe that is true. When you get in touch with how and where you physically hold onto emotions, I think you are very close to getting better and learning to navigate emotions... Not that this means that your emotions will never cause you any concern, of course! It's just that when you understand emotion, it becomes less scary and has less of a hold over you. 

I think you wrote that you could feel the sadness in your body at one point, but that you did not want to release it? What would happen if you just let go at that point? If you just ball your eyes out? Ok, it's messy, but it's also very natural. 

I remember at one point in my life, I cried every day for about a year. Luckily, (or maybe not so lucky....) I was living alone at that time and so I could cry in private.  Part of me knew that I had to shed those tears or else they would always be inside me. 

@Hope4me, I think you said that something triggered you? If so, do you want to talk about it? It's ok if you prefer not to, I understand. 

Also, yes, I was in some very bad romantic relationships in my time and they caused me a lot of grief, so I can relate to that too.

[Hope4me]

Dearest @Sahara and @Corny

What you've both written is highly worthy of response, however the med's I took early a.m. has left me with a hangover effect. I got up at around 4:30pm after broken sleep due to a couple of interruptions.

I'll endeavour to reply as soon as my mind can cope ok. Crying to ease a worn mind helps, but when the body cries it's therapeutic beyond words even though the after effect's are wearysome.

Thankyou both for caring...

Love Hope xo 

[Hope4me]

Morning @Corny

Knowing you're thinking of me is comforting; thankyou. Back atcha lovely. When you click with someone, it helps to ease worrisome times even when distance keeps us at bay.

I remember my bubble well; it saved me from myself as well as the outside world and was a necessary component during the early years of recovery.

Your situation seems overwhelmingly detached. I really feel for you as touch, conversation first thing in the morning and a shoulder to lean on make a world of difference. (And you're right about 'couples' not comprehending this concept). I rely on this forum each a.m. to fill at least one of those gaps and open the house no matter the weather to hear the sounds of nature. This grounds me for the day...

Friendship? I don't have friends as such; too high maintenance. Dealing with myself is a full time job, so there's not much else to share around. Sis #3 is the best friend I've ever had; we only see each other every other month. Familiararity breeds contempt they say; she had a lot to deal with during my days of madness. The fact she still visits is testament to her beautiful qualities.

And as for relationships? Well, you know my history with that. I've come to promote and accept flying solo as my norm than be tormented by what-if's and characters who seek out vulnerability for their own gratification. Nuff said...

I wish I could relay the moment I changed from obsessing over my mental health, to a mindset of simplicity and living in the moment. There've been 'moments' of course, but not one in particular that stands out. A theme would probably be getting out of my head and into my physical body. I wish this for you in so many ways my sweet.

My 'episode' 24 hrs ago was a stark reminder of the illness that has hold of me. Though talking with Lifeline I was grounded, self aware and open to suggestions. The conversation was nice with plenty of empathy and reality. It was my trip down memory lane that provoked heartache; a physical sensation in my chest that required releasing. My body alerts me to unexpressed emotion; she's a friend indeed. Ergo...crying deeply to out that pain. 

The term 'mental illness' doesn't express the totality what we endure as it's a physical illness as well. We're 'whole' when it comes to healing; not just a brain and nervous system. That's what's gotten me over the line when it mattered. (It's really not healthy to look behind me anymore)

I'll keep an eye out for the Rainbow Movies as I love going to the cimema. Thanks for the heads up! 

Well, the house and life beckons Cornstar! I see my accountant today. (Breathing deeply) Edging closer to realising my dream.

Love Hope xo 

[Hope4me]

Good morning to you too @Sahara

Thankyou for popping by and supporting me. I hear you loud and clear. Yes, releasing emotional pain from our bodies is necessary for growth, but I feel it's also trapped memories and 'guilt' that causes this congestion.

Once I realised obsessing over memories of my dysfunctional responses to situations (why didn't I scream or fight?) as well as the actions of others was killing me, my healing journey really kicked in. I'm not talking about judgement; it's more a matter of practical self assessment, undoing learned behaviour and creating more functional ways of responding/surviving. It's also accepting those who hurt me are very wounded as well.

It's empowering to know, how I coped was normal considering my grooming during childhood, adolscence and adulthood. It's also empowering to finally understand, accept and promote 'choice' re me first. That was a biggie to get my head around.

What triggered me? Facing a business providing counsel and advise to those who're going through what I have. One memory I spoke of to the Lifeline consultant really hit home. That's the curse of cptsd I'm afraid. So organising someone to debrief with in the future is part of my business plan and to-do list. I made an appt with my psych to discuss.

This process (self assessment, identifying what I need to change and then creating better habits) has become automatic; my new norm. 4 years ago I could never have imagined such peace existed.

I can't change others, but I can change the way I respond to them. That's my grace...

Lovely chatting with you @Sahara. Hope to hear from you soon...

Love Hope xo 

[Hope4me]

@Lauz@Sahara@Corny@Sophia1@Shaz51@Appleblossom@TAB@Zoe7

I'm taking a few moments this arvo to shoot the breeze because I'm busting at the seams; I saw my accountant yesterday who's given the go-ahead for my business. Yay!!! It seems I already have an ABN from many years ago, so it's now active again. Being a sole trader there's quite a few perks too.

Centrelink will lose me! Awwe...double yay!!!

I had so many doubts walking in there, but was smiling ear to ear leaving. It's not as complex as I'd thought. Sigh of relief...whew

I'm getting the house up-to-date this week; that means throwing out anything I don't want or haven't used in a couple of years. Hoarder's war-cry...aaahhhhh!! Creating space to organise everything is what's been missing for me. It's so symbolic of how much garbage I've dealt with over the past 4 years. 

It's going to be a major project as my shed and back deck are also cluttered with, well you know, stuff I 'might' use one day. ha-ha I'm just keeping essentials and even getting rid of books, CD's and DVD's. Yep...they gotta go I'm afraid. Salvo's and Library will be on bent knees thanking me. Sis wants me to have a garage sale, but that's too much work and worry.

I'm motivated and smiling on the inside too; that's what it's all about yeah? 2019 is my year to celebrate lovlies!

xo 

[Zoe7]

Way to go @Hope4me - it seems like you have everything in hand and achieving a lot - that is awesome 

[Shaz51]

Way to go @Hope4me

that is soo awesome

Being a sole trader there's quite a few perks too.-- I agree my friend

[Hope4me]

Thanks heaps @Zoe7 and @Shaz51

I really needed to tell someone; I was going to explode if I didn't. I'm a bit more grounded now as I had a nanna-nap.

Anyways, I've waited a long time for this feeling. I appreciate you guys sharing it with me...

Hope xo 

[Zoe7]

It is great news all around for you @Hope4me and is wonderful to hear - so good that you could share it with us here 

[Shaz51]

so good that you could share it with us here  ohhh yes anytime @Hope4me

Hello @Sahara, @Corny, @Zoe7