Lived Experience Forum

[Flying_Hams]

In order to find yourself you have to be willing to lose yourself

[eudemonism]

All the best on your ventures @Flying_Hams

[BlueBay]

All the best @Flying_Hams thinking of you ❤️

[Flying_Hams]

I had a good cry this evening and spoke to mum about it all. I think what triggered my response was looking at all the photos my grandparents have. I saw what I looked like as a kid, and I was affected by it today because I remembered what an anxious kid I was. Even the photos where I was struggling to smile, I remember being told to smile. I hated it. It really hit a chord in me and made me reflect on all of this stuff. I got a little chocked up leaving my grandparents though lol. But didn't show it.

I was also talking about how I've gone through heaps and yet I've come through it and done alright for myself. She said I can skype them whenever. Which I might do if I get a spare day or something.

I kept telling mum how worried I was that something would go wrong. That I'd have a panic attack and curl up into a ball while I am away. All of it was anxiety and getting tensed up about it all. I had to reduce my dosage of meds too which has probably had some affect on me too.

Again, the main concerns I have are manageable. I think I'll be okay as soon as I take off. My mum told me she was the same when she left to go overseas so that was nice to hear lol.

My mind is as mixed as it has ever been. My soul and heart are in this though. Deep down that is a fact. None of this pertains to anything I'm not willingly doing. It's just that the radical shift within me has been taking place for a long time now and perhaps the dust still has to settle?

All my concerns are there. I think I've vocalised a lot of them today which has helped me. I think there are a few more. But maybe simply naming them and speaking out loud about them could help? Rather than keeping them in.

Also remembering all the school camps and the things I HAD to do when leaving home as a younger kid. I always found that hard. The reason I'm worried about doing that now is because I won't have those supports there with me. When I say "Supports" I mean family. That has helped me a lot. I was getting worried that not being near them or having them there would negatively effect me. But again, can always just contact them. I'm just such a mess atm but I think this is to be expected. I think I can step out of this when I get to where it is I am meant to be going. One step at a time.

@Zoe7@Shaz51@outlander@TAB@Appleblossom@BlueBay@Sophia1@frog@Adge@Ant7@eudemonism@utopia@soul

[eudemonism]

@Flying_Hams i think you should contact someone where you're going and ask about supports over there and how it works in case of an emergency. Who to contact if you need support? Where to go? Professionals you can rely on?

I'm like that myself. I need a variety of supports + my own space and time + a normal let my hair down lifestyle to get on with. If you know what i mean?

[TAB]

You aren’t that child anymore @Flying_Hams yes memories are a big part of picture esp when they appear but you are moving on with Life. You have achieved a lot. Try to let go and let Life in

[Flying_Hams]

Yeah I know what you mean @eudemonism
I'm gon a jump on the chat soon and ask them about it. Tomorrow morning.

[Flying_Hams]

Indeed @TAB

[Flying_Hams]

Had the second interview for the school in Poland. Sounds like the kids are particularly rowdy but I can definitely check that out myself when i am there in Dec

[eudemonism]

Better off being up front about the support you may need @Flying_Hams