Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Artemis1971]

Hi I’m wondering if there are other carers of Borderline Personality Disorder here. I have a 19yo daughter who was recently diagnosed with BPD although has had lifelong issues. Last weekend we had another ‘crisis’ and she ended up in hospital yet again. I’m feeling very let down and frustrated with the mental health system and would love to touch base with other carers to keep me from going insane.

[greenpea]

@Artemis1971 Hi Artemis1971 welcome to Forumland. I don't care for anyone with BPD but I do have a son with schizoprehenia and other problems and know all to vividly the frustration when dealing with the  medical institutions etc.  Unfortunately I went 'insane'  so to speak so I am glad you are aware of the need to protect yourself and look after your own well being and that of your daughter.

We have chat areas where you will find friendly people all willing to lend an ear when times are tough. Just have a look around and introduce yourself.

See you around.

gp

[flipper]

Hi @Artemis1971,

I'm Flipper one of the SANE Moderators. It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment with your daughter's recent diagnosis and hospital admission. How have you been coping with it all, have you found anything helps you when you are feeling frustrated? 

As @greenpea said, there are a few posts around that have been made by users who have loved ones diagnosed with BPD that you might find useful. An old one, but good one was made by @brodie here and contains some tips for family and friends, there's also another one here that you might like to read through.

Again, welcome to the forums!

[Artemis1971]

Hi. I’ll have a bit more of a look around the forum. My time out time is when I am at work. I love my job so I enjoy being there. I sometimes need time away from my daughter to just unwind and relax although, apart from work, I don’t really get the chance to do that. She is very welcome at her dad’s house but she refuses to go there at the moment as she finds it stressful as it’s not as calm as at my house. She doesn’t have any friends so she never goes out. It’s all very sad really and I don’t know what the long term prospects are for her. I just try to take each day at a time but thought it might be good to be able to chat to someone else who’s going through something similar.

[Determined]

Hi @Artemis1971 and welcome to the forum

I support my wife who lives with Borderline personality Disorder.
We had a crisis around 8 weeks ago that saw us up in the ED for the day. At the time I had doped she would be admitted but she refused so they sent her home after a standard 8hr observation period so feeling your frustration with the system. 😞   

I have a thread here that you may find helpful.

I am happy to answer any questions that you may have.

I trust you can find the support you need here, I have found this space invaluable over the last 12 months. you will find everyone most helpful 🙂  

[Determined]

@Artemis1971 trust all is ok for you and your daughter

[Artemis1971]

Ok at this point in time but having her say to me I was stressing her out and not to make her angry when driving or she’ll smash the car and k*ll us all (I was in her car with her younger sister) was a bit confronting. Note to self: Do not talk to her when she is driving! <br><br>Apart from that we have a couple of referrals to organisations that may be able to assist. It’s taking each day, each moment as it comes though.

[Dots]

Hi @Artemis1971 - I also have a 19 yr old daughter with BPD. long history of hospital admissions, self harm ... I'm guessing you know the drill. I've found these forums so helpful. Not sure I can offer any advice as I feel like I just bumble along and, like you, enjoy my work and take a day at a time. Recently I needed to take a minute at a time and with the support of a good psychologist for ME, trusted family, my crazy dog, one trusted friend, and more caffeine in me than Starbucks, I got through that crisis.

There are many of us invisibly supporting you, thinking of you.

Please take care of yourself. And, echoing what @Determined said, separating the illness from the person also helps enormously.

Good luck. I'll keep an eye out to see how you're fairing.

Dots

[AndrewM]

Hi Artemis1971,

I'm very new at this as well. My 34 yr old son has just been diagnosed with BPD. I live in a different state and have been supporting him the best I can over the years but it is again at a crisis point. I did find the actual diagnosis has helped me deflect some of the abuse and nastiness I have received (forever?) to the illness and not just him being awful. He has always had a soft side but fell in with the wrong crowd after I and his mum separated. I see the real him occasionally and this is what I focus on during the rough times. There's also been drug and alcohol addictons, and lurching from one crisis to another, but as I said, an actual diagnosis has helped me cope better. My son has several triggers. I try to talk him into not walking into them - most are phone and social media based.

So I hear you loud and clear and really feel for you after reading your letter. I'm not sure I've helped, there doesn't seem to be a lot out there so keep strong - there are definitely others like you about.

[LinnyLou]

OMG! @Artemis1971 I have learned the exact same thing when being a passenger in my daughters car... never say anything even remotely controversial that may upset her in anyway - just too dangerous!

My almost 18yro daughter is in the process of her being diagnosed with BPD while completing her HSC. To say 2018 has been a tough year is an understatement! My daughter has always been full of beans, but this year she has raised the bar completely. 

While she is currently being supported by CAMHS, she will soon 'age out' and will have to wait for adult services. She seems to have the CAMHS psychologist wrapped around her finger... in that every time her father and I attend the session we feel as though we are getting in trouble for something (boundaries too strong, boundaries too loose, too much support, too little support... its always too something!)

Reading through this forum has brought tears to my eyes realising that there are lots of other parents walking on egg shells - loving their children while greiving the loss of normal!