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โ19-02-2020 10:53 AM
โ19-02-2020 10:53 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
Thinking of walking baby, but itโs raining and windy, she hates both. @Former-Member
I have a letter to post, but once the rain eases.
Enjoy your visit with your old friend. Hope your fish dinner goes well, though I donโt doubt your cooking skills. ๐๐๐
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โ20-02-2020 04:48 AM
โ20-02-2020 04:48 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
Kettle is boiling @CheerBear. โ๏ธโ๏ธ๐๐
How was your yesterday? How Iโd today looking ?
๐๐๐ @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @outlander @Teej @TheVorticon @Gazza75
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โ20-02-2020 05:05 AM
โ20-02-2020 05:05 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
Yesterday was pretty dodgy for me. I felt sick and spent the day lying in bed trying to get up. I called a nurse who said to go to the dr because of the procedure I had on Monday but couldn't make it with no-one to have the crew. Then from the moment I picked the kids up they were hideously behaved and I wanted to run away from them all.
Today I have training on the other side of the city. I haven't worked out how I'll get there yet. It goes until late so I've organised for sib to pick them up from school and friend to take them to training. But on the back of yesterday I don't think I can leave them with anyone and I'm not sure if I'm physically up for the trip in and out anyway.
That was a huge vent, sorry.
What colour is your world this morning?
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โ20-02-2020 05:20 AM
โ20-02-2020 05:20 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
@CheerBear What an awful day yesterday was.โฃ๏ธโฃ๏ธโน๏ธโน๏ธ
How are you feeling now? People donโt seem to understand that you canโt just drop everything, even though you might feel like doing just that.
I understand the wanting to run away. Iโm sorry itโs so hard. Kids pick up vibes, so do animals. Little buggers.
You were/are looking forward to today. Where is that wand???
Iโm afraid Iโm ๐ค๐ค๐๐ Awful night. Absolutely everything you can imagine I covered, then some.
Lets run away together. ๐ค๐ค๐ค
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โ20-02-2020 05:30 AM
โ20-02-2020 05:30 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
I'm sorry you had an awful night ๐ If you'd like to say more I'm listening and interested, but I get you might not or can't too. Covering everything imaginable says a lot.
I think run away together sounds like a great idea. Where would we go? Space perhaps ๐
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โ20-02-2020 05:44 AM
โ20-02-2020 05:44 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
Space sounds good @CheerBear . No cooking, cleaning. Just floating around thin air. ๐๐๐๐๐ธ๐ธ
Maybe getting out somewhere helps with one thing. @CheerBear Doing something for yourself. But physical pain isnโt at all ideal. Maybe see how you go once the crew are up and off.
I donโt know what my problem is @CheerBear . Just like you, itโs all too big and hard, and Iโm out of trying. I feel like people are blind. They donโt see the effort it takes. Or the pain that keeps weighing everything down. Iโm as black as black and over myself.
Years ago I saw a move, I canโt remember the name of it, but one seen has always stuck in my twisted little brain. At midnight, he yells out of the window, โ Iโm mad as hell, and Iโm not going to take it anymore โ. Yep.......thatโs me ok. ๐๐๐๐๐
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โ20-02-2020 06:06 AM
โ20-02-2020 06:06 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
I found this. I'm not sure if it is it but wow. Really wow.
https://youtu.be/rGIY5Vyj4YM
I like "I'm a human being and my life has value".
I love the idea of no cooking and cleaning! That's a huge bonus. And I guess we also wouldn't have really hot humid days to worry about either. Tempting ๐ค๐
I'll pick myself up and have a shower and see how I go. Cross my fingers big time that the crew are not as full on this morning. I cant imagine leaving them with someone like this. They're just so full on sometimes.
Something weird happened yesterday. I wanted to reach out about it but felt a bit trapped inside my head. I went funny during an appointment. I was triggered and my brain snapped and fizzed. I lost my words, it felt like I was spinning in my mind. I could see the words I wanted to say but couldn't reach them. I could kind of see myself trying to grab them but I couldn't. It took every speck of concentration to say a very slow "I. Don't. Have. Words". It's the second time it's happened this week. Apparently my eyes glazed over and for around 5 minutes it was mumble and fried head. I'm glad it happened with a MH professional as they can help now they've seen. I can't explain it well otherwise. I was going through a patch of odd head (derealisation psych says) before hospital last year but haven't had it since. Cute the way my brain throws new things when I get something under control ๐
I just wanted to spill that. It feels scary. I feel scared that things always seem precariously close to crumbling down, even when they're OK enough.
I really wish there was a wand. I see you and hear you and know how much effort it takes and how much pain is involved. I get how sucky it is to be and feel like no-one can see it.
I hope there's something in your day that feels better than the ๐ค๐
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โ20-02-2020 06:25 AM
โ20-02-2020 06:25 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
Oh @CheerBear That made me laugh and laugh. ๐๐๐ Thankyou. ๐ค๐ค๐ค
โ cute the way my brain throws new things when I get something under controlโ
Well said @CheerBear . Dissociation has levels, in my understanding. A protective mechanism, though it doesnโt feel protective at the time.
Iโm also glad it happened in the presence of a MH professional.
I understand the scared when you think things are relatively ok ish. I often feel like I find a tiny piece of solid ground, then the bottom falls out from under me. Free fall with a heavy landing, it sucks.
I hope the shower helps.
I also hope the crew are ok enough today.
I hope there is good in today for you.
Sending lots of โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
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โ20-02-2020 07:34 AM
โ20-02-2020 07:34 AM
Re: Taking the plunge
@Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope ๐งก๐งก
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โ20-02-2020 09:13 AM