Coming to terms with reality

[Adek]

@eudemonism, i cant help myself from laughing when u want to punish something within yourself... ourselves, something that came about unintentionally. We have to be at peace with ourselves first before we can embrace and truly discover our potentials...despite the sickness. @Former-Member...perhaps i owe it all to the hypomanic phases of bipolar. The moment depressive phase came about, i crashed and ventured new interests once its over...at a small scale of course...within limits and boundaries set with the help of my psychotherapist. I forgot to mention i took up sewing class as well and last year made 10 dresses for mom, sis, daughters and in laws. This year they requested for more i just couldn't do a single piece. So it must be hypomania..thanks to bipolar...hehe.

[Former-Member]

are you feeling ok @eudemonism

I can understand you feeling angry with the system. 

Hope that you have some nice people where you live.

Have you made any friends where you live?  Nice walks?

hope to go for a walk myself tomorrow.

take care

[eudemonism]

I think you are a wanna be know it all @Adek and that also makes me laugh. But im not one for laughing at people. Unless they first do it to me. And what can you honestly say you know about my circumstances which make me feel this way? Which is heavily induced bye people's influences on me?

[eudemonism]

Fibromyalgia is said to be caused bye some medications. So mabye you can do some research on it. And thank the system for that? I think its the, "happy drug" which causes it.

[eudemonism]

In all honesty @Former-Member friends are a very superficial thing to me. And i think its years of bad experience that make me feel this way. I know dozens and scores upon scores of people out there in the community. But there is only a few who visit me. And only a few whom i visit. And its a very fictitious situation between them and myself.

I walk often. And in many different locations. Its one of my biggest stress reliefs. But unfortunately my body will not walk me as far as my mind wants to go each day...

A huge problem of mine. Which others are involved in. Is, thinking about other people. And thinking about what they have done (and knowing there is most times more to the story.) Whilst i am alone and at home. And so dearly wanting that companionship and support. And i think speaking my mind toward these people is the best place to start. Otherwise its a game of sugar coating things and being a shoulder to cry on. Which i definitely dont want in return.

I really like being presented with peoples problems. But what they dont like. Is the common sense they get in return. Its usually a case of them wanting to play councillor. Because it gives them a sense of control, power,strength and self worth.

People are all fascinated by themselves

[Adek]

I shall wait till the 'system' comes up with better choices of alternatives on that fibro thing cuz as at now..i dont think its fibro either. The last 20 years they called it arthritis, then..its SLE, suddenly its not SLE but fibro and latest..its piriformis syndrome i don't really blame them either cuz they are not God. Most autoimmune illness are claimed to be incurable not because they are not...but because man are evolving very slowly when it comes to body ache and the like cuz its least life threatening i guess. If we all have better choices... nobody wanna be mentally ill either. But we just get by...with what the 'system' has to offer unless we have better solution ourselves. Just my 2 cent.
Found 1 med on the list u mentioned but been taking it 17 yrs yet FM just last year. If time factor is the variable i'm prepared to go against that odd for now cuz it keeps my swings within control and am able to function more or less. Dropped that med for 6 months 5 years ago....i became worse that my initial state and ended up in series of electroconvulsive therapy.

[eudemonism]

Im pretty sure it was related to prozak. But its similar to my list of side effects as long as my arm i dont wanna be living with

[Former-Member]

how are you today @eudemonism

what have you been up to since we last spoke?

Have you managed to go for any walks?

[eudemonism]

@Adek im suffering from some terrible stuff each day. And alot of it is social anxieties (all of it actually ) And the other stuff is getting on with the practical side of life. (Doing what i need to do )

I got a dog that i just can't look after properly and I'm thinking I'll be better off without him in the long run and he'll be better off without me. So i gotta go through the process of finding him a new home.

Nothingwill totally solve what im dealing with. But if i can minimize the impact on myself. With positive coping mechanisms. I think that will make it easier.

[eudemonism]

Hi @Former-Member i been for one or two walks. But its difficult because of the dog. He misbehave and makes me go into analysing the negative possibilities. Plus its a case of him increasing the effort and energy and time and money it takes to simply go down the street, attend appointments, visit family and friends. And so on. So im thinking about getting him a new home will be best for both of us. Stuff like staying homemore, not attending social groups, hesitating to go out and about.

Im waking up in the mornings and im feeling incredibly depressed, angry, anxious and unmotivated. And its a slow and steady decline from there. Nothing to get on with. No one positive to go visit. Not focusing and concentrating on what important and best for me. Getting stuck in my head with all this social anxiety which is based around toxic relationships. I feel i got no control over any of it at times. And the practical side of my life gets neglected.

Im missing ques to have a small and healthy breakfast. Go walking. Visit people. Etcetera. Lots of little and important ques that are gonna help me. And getting stuck in a rut. For instance. Im stressing and think about visiting someone or doing something. And the dog debacle is right in front of me!

How have you been anyway? I hope all is well with all things considered. And as tough as life can be at times. Looking after and taking care of yourself well i hope?