@TAB realizing things are unsustainable is probably the first necessary step in the process of making change. Good on you for at least paying off half the credit card. If you make it through and kick the ciggies for good you'll be able to pay it off more easily for sure. Sounds like you had lots of very good reasons for leaving some of your jobs. Conditions sound awful.
My work history in terms of being employed by others is even more sporadic than yours. Bar work, cafe work, secretarial work, cleaning etc. But I was a single parent of a child with disability and did freelance (mobile) massage therapy for over 25 years all up. Have only done friends and family for the last several years, not for money. But these days I know there's no way I could go back to doing it professionally, my own health needs have to be a higher priority. Always felt like a bit of a hypocrite anyway, helping others with their health while I continued to smoke and tried to push the impression I was fit and dedicated to health. I also smoked herb all those years, often chronically, but got off that completely 5 1/2 years ago. Tried to quit many times before that over quite a few years but always relapsed. These days I know I'll never do that again and don't even feel the pull if someone does it near me, tho that's rare now. Hoping I can get up the same motivation to get off the ciggies. The self-esteem reason you mentioned is a biggie. And being able to be close to people who care about me without hoping I don't stink. And .... and ..... and ......
