Tabaluga's 2.0

[ENKELI]

@Glisten Being hard on myself is ingrained. Years of being told or shown that I am not good enough, or even just enough has made me expect rejection before praise. I was in my 40's before either of my parents told me that they were proud of me. Ironically my dad said he was proud of me without prompting. Mum got upset when I told her she'd never said she was proud of me. She tells me now quite regularly which is nice and sometimes I even believe her.

Sorry this post is a bit dark, I am catching up on my studies and feeling like a failure, which brings up all my past failures.

People never believe I am sensitive. I cover it with an outgoing personality and self deprecating jokes.

[ENKELI]

@PeppyPatti I think by far that you are one of the kindest and loveliest people. I have never felt judged by you and that is so nice.

Of course there are other people here in Saneland that haven't judged me but I guess I still find it a surprise when people are nice to me without having an ulterior motive.

I adore you my darling Pepster, you surely do make me feel safe xoxo

[ENKELI]

@GezzaP the one thing I noticed when I left Telstra was the lack of health and safety awareness there is in a lot of companies. Only 2 of the various companies I worked for provided ergonomic chairs, the others tod me to get a chair from where ever and if it was broken, too bad. I have an ergonomic chair at home for my computer use, I made sure to spend a bit of money on it and because I am studying it certainly makes a difference.

And I always make sure I take a break and do short exercises.

[ENKELI]

@Glisten Hopefully it's something that clears up quickly. Hay fever is just as annoying as a head cold. Bro has my head cold. I told him sharing is caring. He told me he didn't want me to care, so I told him he can live in the shed. He said I was allowed to care a little bit, just not when it comes to passing dread lurgies. Typical male, never satisfied. 

Sending an email to NN - " Have you ever heard the expression you get more flies with honey than you do vinegar? Maybe try that and you might get the fence you so demand." 

Before bro left for work he reminded me not to tease the slippers. They have been quiet so far. I am not holding my breath as this is what happens when NN gets a call from the rangers. The slippers will be quiet for a few days, then go back to their constant yapping. 

Have you been sleeping all day? 😋

MM protecting his Krack.

[GezzaP]

And to you @Glisten .

[GezzaP]

I have an ergonomic chair too @ENKELI . But my desk is currently set to standing mode. Need to get someone to adjust it so I can sit down. Back and neck bad today have taken extra pain killers. Now cleaner has left I’m going to put cream on my back and neck. Acupuncture tomorrow. That works well for me usually.

[GezzaP]

Hope your afternoon is going well @SmilingGecko  and that you got out for a walk.

@TAB @SmilingGecko @ENKELI @Glisten @Meowmy I’ve had s terrible headache all day. Had a cleaner here most of the day. They left about 4.30. Just put pain killing gel on my back and neck to hopefully ease headache. Have taken extra pain killers today. Hoping to get rid of headache by bedtime. Need to buy a new pillow soon. Got acupuncture tomorrow so hoping that works as well as last time.

Got a form to fill in for my eye surgery to fill in. Left eye being done on the 4th June and right eye in early July. Have to fast from 9am and no water in last 2 hours before surgery. Surgery is 3.30-6.30. I will fade badly from hunger. Full cooked breakfast those days with cereal and toast as well i think. I will get thirsty too. My meds make me thirsty. Oh well I’ll have to survive. Have to go for post-op appt day after surgery. I will be worn out. I think I’ll be having take away food after surgery if I’m hungry afterwards. The person taking me will stay overnight and take me to follow up appts.

[GezzaP]

Having a baked spud for dinner tonight. One of  my favourites with butter, cheese, cottage cheese, chives and salt and pepper. With this darn headache don’t feel like cooking anything else. It’ll do. If I didn’t have a headache I would have had antipasto, dolmades and veggie sticks with dips but can’t be bothered. Tomorrow if I get around to eating earlier. @TAB @ENKELI @Glisten @Meowmy @PeppyPatti @SmilingGecko . Will take some more painkillers before go to bed if still got headache. Have had too many today. Naughty GezzaP. 

[SmilingGecko]

Hopefully you'll pick up by tomorrow @GezzaP I'm sorry youre stuck in this predicament. Its awful! I really feel for you and your situation. I just keep hoping you'll be better soon! Its good you can improvise in the kitchen. If I'm not well i'll just throw vegies and meat in a pot. Just keep hanging in there. You have our support here on SANE Please take good care of yourself tonight.

[Glisten]

@ENKELI  my wonderful Retiisi queen of the kitchen. It not your fault.

Most people from NSW have self-deprecating humour. If you insult yourself first, no one else can do it. It’s a clever away of disarming people.

Parents, especially single parents are so busy providing, they don’t know where they are falling short.

I was talking to my Monday garden lady. She told me that after SAS husband died in a road accident 1966, she went back to NSW where her mother was.

Told me, “I knew I wouldn’t get any help or support from my mother.”

I was gobsmacked!

I’m dreading Mother’s Day/Birthday. A year after settlement. I feel like I have got nowhere, and nothing to show for all the trying.