Feeling caged up

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer I feel traumatised by my sister not talking to me. It has triggered depression. And now she has sent me a text saying the depression is my fault like I’m not sick at all.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP family trauma runs deep. I’ve had really bad complications in my extended family, it’s awful.

It’s never fair to be blamed for your own mental health. Sadly, stigma still exists. Sometimes we have to give ourselves the space to grieve the loss

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer My sister just texted me about my mental health being my own fault. I feel sad and angry. I texted her back to say I’m sorry and please to be more understanding but she continues to be cruel to me.

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer She is still texting me awful messages so I keep apologising but she doesn’t answer. I feel so alone as I have no contact with other family members.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP it’s never nice to be on the receiving end of awful messages. I think you do need to acknowledge you’ve done what you could on your end, it comes down to her now

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer I know my sister and I doubt she’ll ever get it.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP the thing is we can’t change how people respond, all we have control is over how we act. You’ve done what you could, you’ve done your part. I think you need to give yourself the space to feel what you need to feel. She is still your sister after all, loss of a family member is huge

[rav3n]

i can imagine how that having an intense dream like that would be hard to shake off @creative_writer. would you feel comfy talking to your psych about it? often our dreams are manifestations of things we fear or things we've been avoided confronting (or at least that's been my experience)... do you feel that too? i used to keep a dream journal when i had those heavier dreams, i wanted to analyse what they meant for me (a lot of the time it was anxiety/stress related). i wasn't super consistent with it though.

[rav3n]

hey @GezzaP i'm hearing how hard things are with your sister at the moment and i'm sorry that she hasn't been treating you kindly. do you think maybe you both might need some space from each other to process things? i remember when my sister and i fought, she kept getting annoyed at me for trying to reach out and we both ended up saying some harsh things to each other. i stepped back and focused on regulating my own emotions without her, and found that it gave her some time to calm down too. i wonder if giving your sister some space will help you both in processing it individually? like @creative_writer mentioned, you've done the best you can with the things within your control. 

is there something kind you can do for yourself tonight? when others can't give us the kindness we deserve, it sucks but luckily, we have the power to give it to ourselves. you absolutely deserve some extra kindness tonight!

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I’ve known for a long time what was coming, death is inevitable. I think I found it hard to accept it at the time, still not sure if I fully accepted it. I haven’t ever spoken to my current psych about any of my dreams.

Last session wasn’t easy, I may have skipped over the grief, just not super ready to talk about it more. I did talk a bit about trauma. I couldn’t say much, I’ve been too scared to do details after I ended up retraumatised during therapy with my last psych. My current psych knows about the retraumatisation. During my time with my last psych, I started to wonder whether I was making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe I just didn’t feel validated enough. You know I left my last psych after completing my placement. I noticed my supervisors on placement were doing a lot more validation in their sessions than what I got from my last psych. I felt like I was given the indication that I was disproportionally reacting. Maybe the trauma could’ve been worse. It is still enough for it to cause daily body flashbacks. I get body discomfort that I struggle to speak about. It’s hard rationalising with the shame when I feel the torture happen again