Feeling caged up

[tyme]

Heya @creative_writer ,

Great to see you around on other threads. It's certainly a step to feeling less lonely. We are here to support you. Hope you are okay.

[creative_writer]

@tyme I’m doing better than last week. Just hoping to get some supplements (recommended to me) through the mail which might help with depression and ADHD symptoms. Im finding it super hard to do things right now and still feeling depressed. The meds have eased my symptoms a bit, hypomanic symptoms are gone, depression is a bit better (I was in a depressive episode with mixed features). Spring time doesn’t help with sleep, hopefully I can keep sleep under control

[tyme]

Hey @creative_writer , good to hear from you. I'm glad some things have been ironed out in terms of the depression etc. 

Why isn't Spring good for sleep?

[creative_writer]

@tyme it’s a bipolar thing for me. You know how I’ve mentioned my circadian rhythms are super sensitive. Longer days can make it harder to fall asleep. Sleep is one of my triggers. The days are already getting longer, it was sort feeding the manic side of symptoms, but now the meds are controlling it. I wouldn’t be sleeping properly without it. I guess sometimes we do need more meds. I hate the brain foggy side effects, but hopefully the new supplement will help with the brain fog

[creative_writer]

@YourLocalMHGuru it is true that our brains are wired for negativity bias, and it developed from a survival perspective. It’s so much harder to focus on positive memories instead of negative. I will have a look at Pocket Psychologist

[YourLocalMHGuru]

Hi Creative,

Yes, this is very true about our brains. It does suck, because fun/good times are the ones we want to remember, right?

There is a trick to it. It is said that "Neurons that fire together wire together". What this means is your attention can make neurons fire, wire stronger together through a process called myelination (a substance that coats our neurons and speeds up the signals) and make the associations (bits and pieces of memories - they are never stored in one place but broken into pieces to place all around the brain; they have a theory this is done to protect us from brain trauma like an aquired brain injury) there stronger. So, next time you are in a good time, try breaking what you are experiencing into real pieces - what are you feeling,  what are you smelling, what are you hearing, etc. Then think of those pieces and remember another time you experienced that. 

For example (these are at random, but they need to be associated with real things that make you personally happy): Say you are at a picnic with friends. You note the breeze in your hair, reminding you of the times at the beach reading a book. You hear happy chatter from folks in the park, which reminds you of the happy chatter around the christmas dinner table. You see each one of your friends, which reminds you of a special moment shared with each one of them. You see the carrot cake your friend made, which reminds you of an Easter you got a pretty outfit. So on and so forth. 

The more you tie memories to other happy memories, the stronger the brain's association pockets get. Then, when you have alone time. Meditate on one word and see where your mind takes you. If it goes to a negative, swipe left on it - don't entertain it, and steer back to a better thought. 

Your attention is within your control. When left unattented to, it can take you down some troubled roads. But with your control, it will be your shield.

If you are interested in this kind of insight into your brain vs mind, have a look at cognitive neuroscience on memories and them social psychology on memories. There is also Cognitive Behavioural Therapy conversations about memories.

[creative_writer]

@YourLocalMHGuru my mind focuses a lot on trauma memories and how I feel broken from it. I do want to remember the good times, but I guess it takes time to train your brain. I want to think about how I’ve grown as a person, but I do still find myself getting consumed by trauma. I feel like attention to positive aspects is a skill, it takes lots of time and patience.

I’m feeling sort of confused about being ace. I wasn’t like this before. Am I truly ace if it came after trauma? I’m so confused. I come from a cultural background that is obsessed with marriage

[YourLocalMHGuru]

I am really very sorry to hear of your ace experiences. It is always heartbreaking to hear about children suffering during such a critical time where they need stability, peace, hope, joy, safety, etc. 

Don't blame yourself for thinking about the trauma. In many ways, you kind of have to to get through to the other side. You are doing what a most humans do. We worry about the past and stress about the future. 

I was an ace as well. I'm not anymore. It took a lot of work, a lot of consideration about parents and others who harmed me as falliable human beings, and a lot of being honest with myself.  I hope one day you get to a point where you think, "so much affected me, but I am not going to let what's happened predict how my todays and tomorrows will be." One of the many benefits of growing up is you get to take the reigns of your life and you've come armed knowing exactly what you don't want in your life. Building a strong spine that stands up for your boundaries is a skill and a life saver. 

You mentioned coming from a cultural background with an emphasis on marriage, I am interested in learning more about what importance this has to you?

[tyme]

Thanks for sharing @creative_writer .

Hope things improve for you. Have you been going out much? Volunteering? 

If you set a bit of a routine for yourself, if you don't have one already, would that help?

[creative_writer]

@YourLocalMHGuI had to learn to cope with my own shit when it happened. My parents were unintentionally emotionally neglectful. We all need support, but sometimes the people around us don’t know how to support us.

I don’t see anything wrong with being ace. Maybe I don’t need to categorise myself, and perhaps everyone’s definitions vary. Some might be of the opinion someone is born as ace, other people may think it is possible to become ace at a later point in time. I’ve just been wondering where I stand.

The whole marriage thing is stressful, there pressure to conform to a certain ideal. People always want to talk about marriages and babies. I don’t think I’m ready for marriage, let alone a kid. I’m trying to filter it out, haven’t had many questions asked for a while