Feeling caged up

[AuntGlow]

Hey @creative_writer, 

Oh no!! How are you feeling today? 

I actually feel a little unwell atm too... maybe change of season? 

I think you're absolutely right. Maybe you will be involved in helping to shift the stigma? (You already are here!)

I hear you, it can be healing to help us process, but so triggering at the time... did your psychologist provide any self-soothing strategies for after your session? 💛

[AuntGlow]

This sounds so overwhelming for you @GezzaP... I get that feeling of things being too heavy to shower or practice self-care. Everything with your sister sound really painful. 😔

I know there's a lot you'd like to see change here and understandably so... sometimes when there are lots of things out of our control relationally, it can be helpful to focus on the things we can control. I wonder what is within your control in this situation? Does anything come to mind? 💛

[GezzaP]

@AuntGlow I have apologised to my sister and asked her to stop being so cruel to me. Don’t know what else to do. I will aim to shower and go to shops tomorrow. I was able to book a phone appointment with my GP this morning so that’s something. Also continuing to smoke less today.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP making the phone call is a big step, nicotine addiction is rough. I hope you take it easy and are kind towards yourself. Showering and going to the shops can feel hard with depression, sometimes we need to take those baby steps. I am currently disassociating.

@AuntGlow sorry to hear you're unwell. My mum is blaming it on me not wearing enough layers during walks, I just overheat easily. We didn't go through self-soothing strategies, but i have build those self-soothing strategies over my years in therapy. I'm still trying to remember to do the homework she gave me, ADHD brain doesn't always remember. I sort of disassociated today, it was difficult, still sort of feel hazy. I get derealisation and depersonalisation.

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer I’m sorry to hear you are disassociating and have ADHD. I will talk myself into showering and going to shops eventually. Puss has come in and on my lap after going in and out all afternoon. I have only had one smoke since after lunch. I am really concerned about the effect the smokes are having on my health that’s why I want to stop.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP hard thing about having ADHD and Bipolar 2 is medication. My psychiatrist is wary of me being on meds for ADHD, I guess I haven’t really been stable bipolar wise either. I’m just taking supplements for ADHD.

It’s fair to be concerned about the long term effects of smoke. You care about your health and you’re willing to improve it. Not everyone has that motivation or willpower to do that for various reasons.

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer I have bipolar 1. Yes I imagine mixing meds is complex. I have to take tablets for high blood pressure and I take magnesium, vitamin D and salt tablets. My salt levels are abnormally low. Spent a night in hospital once for that. They didn’t do anything just blood tests and they didn’t give me my meds so I barely slept.

Trying to stay awake a bit longer tonight but getting very tired.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP stimulant meds can be tricky, even some of the non stimulant options can be destabilising. I take a ton of supplements, some of them are only short term use. My gut has been suffering, makes it hard to get adequate nutrition. ED doesn’t help either.

I hate being in hospital, it’s not always helpful. It would be complex to have high blood pressure and low salt.

I hope you are able to take it easy tonight, nothing wrong with an early night if you need it.

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer I will be going to bed soon. My gut was playing up this morning. That’s anxiety and a poor diet. I hate hospitals but at least that time I didn’t have to wait for hours to get attended to. 

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP my gut has been chaotic since I was in school. I try to eat better now, but find it hard to eat due to gut issues and ED. I rely on supplements, but I know they say food is the best way to get nutrients. Gut and mental health have a bidirectional relationship, I had lots of tummy issues when I developed migraines and when I became depressed, both picked up at the same time, hard to separate what caused what.

I hope you are doing better today 💖