Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

@NatureLover  My psychologist knows I stopped taking the one med but no one else does. 

I am trying really hard but I want to cry everything is too much and I am trying so hard but I just can’t keep up, I hate that I am struggling with uni because I like uni and I want to do the work so badly but I just can’t and it is making me so sad why can’t I even do things I enjoy. I want to scream I hate this I hate being so unfunctional. Now I keep thinking the beings were right all along. 

[NatureLover]

@Eden1919  good on you for telling your psychologist. 

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@Eden1919 wrote:

I am trying really hard but I want to cry everything is too much and I am trying so hard but I just can’t keep up, 

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I'm really sorry to hear 😞

Thinking of you and wishing much strength and hope for you.

[Eden1919]

I didn’t get to sleep until 7am and was up all night crying and pacing and trying to get to bed but not being able to do the things I needed to do that and only slept maybe 3 hours. I have to do a test I haven’t been able to study for today and I feel like I am going to be physically sick probably from all the panic attack stuff last night I don’t know what to do everything is fucked I am exhausted and I feel like I am going to start crying again. I can’t even manage to do basic things half the time and if I do manage it takes me hours and hours like last night it took me 5 hours to brush my teeth I want to scream I feel so trapped and stuck I am trying so hard but I just can’t do it. 

[Tortoiseshell]

Hey @Eden1919, 

I'm sorry to hear you were up most of the night feeling panicked, and that you are facing a test this morning. I'm going to send you an email to check in with you. One step at a time 🌻 

[Eden1919]

Why can’t I get up, I just want to get up. I feel like I am going to start crying again. Why is everything so hard why do I ruin everything I touch. 

[Sphinxly]

Hey there @Eden1919, I can see you're still struggling a lot and longing for a shift in how you're feeling. It sounds like your brain needs a lot of rest right now but it must feel so awful for you.

Have you reached out to a helpline today for some direct support?

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

Here with you,

Sphinxly

[Eden1919]

@Sphinxly  I am scared to call a helpline plus I am having a lot of trouble actually speaking and I don’t want to wait on the phone for an hour only to have someone tell me they can’t understand me. 

[Jynx]

Hey @Eden1919 ,

I can totally understand that that would be a daunting prospect, and fair enough if you don't want to put yourself into a position that might increase your distress. 

There's a couple of other options though, sometimes just connecting with someone can make all the difference. Lifeline and Suicide Callback both have chat options, as does the SANE Help Centre, if you just don't feel up to talking. You can also book a call with the SANE HC, that way you know you won't have to be waiting on the phone as someone will be calling you. 

I hope you're able to get the support you're looking for 

[Eden1919]

@Jynx  Well I tried calling a helpline twice and no one answered both times now I remember why I don’t call them and I am not going through that again. Now I remember why there is no help when you aren’t ok, because there is no help. 

[Jynx]

Ach sorry to hear it @Eden1919 , that's poor luck indeed. Helplines can certainly get very busy, I know it's a frustrating experience but maybe give it another try in an hour or something. And also just remember SANE has their call booking function, where you can request a call between certain hours. 

I know it can feel very hopeless, but remember it's not a reflection on you, and it doesn't mean there's no options. Sitting with you in the meantime.