Lived Experience Forum

[Lost9]

Hi @Powderfinger Even though you are in so much pain you seem to be thinking logically and have insight into the situation. If you feel suicidal reach out to be heard. There would be a lot of people on this site who would support you and of course there is lifeline and Black dog and beyond blue. I hope the therapist helps you. Sometimes it is hard to find the right one so please persevere. I wish I could take away your pain but I can’t. I just hope it eases in time. Take care, Lost9

[Powderfinger]

@Lost9 

I think decent and good people would like to be able to take others pain away. I have been there many times myself. From wisdom gleaned of my personal experiences as much as we may want to we cannot. Some people truly do not want to be helped. With some people you are nothing more but a punching bag for their pain and simply an object to be abused. 

I have learnt that people need to be and can be healers of their own life. What I or others can do is do simple, little things for a person that is worthy of it. It's the little things too that can make a big difference. 

I salt quietly today and thought about my second therapy session I'm having tomorrow. I remember bits and pieces of my first one last week. So, in order for me to move forward, I wrote some dot points for my session tomorrow. 

I will be handing these things to the therapist. Tomorrow for me is about getting to the bottom of whether this is going to be the right therapist for me or not. I've had extensive experience in this area and over a very long period. I will see how the session goes tomorrow. I will see how I'm feeling after it and decided from my list and the session whether or not I'm going to continue and if she is right for me. 

If I feel that it is not going to be right for me, if this therapist is not going to be able to deliver my goals for therapy and has no knowledge of NPD or any other personality disorders, knowledge about psychopaths or sociopaths, then I know she isn't right for me and I will be finding another therapist that is. 

Perhaps it will all go well and she may turn out being right for me? I won't know till tomorrow. It truly is entirely pointless sitting with the wrong therapist and hoping to get well and sort through the horror you've experienced. Waste of my time and theirs. Not ever doing that. Therapy for this is going to be hard enough. 

[Lost9]

Hi @Powderfinger ,

it sounds as though you have had a productive day. Best of luck for tomorrow. I hope the session goes well.

Best wishes,

lost9