Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Neverland]

@SHINY @Thank you so much for your story.

It really helps to not feel so alone in the chaos, to be able to share and get impartial opinions and advice

[Neverland]

@Shaz51 @Well it has been very hard. She ran out of meds and really deteriorated. So I've broken one of my boundaries yet again in that I have flown east to get her as she doesn't feel able to do it alone.

I have such mixed feelings as I care deeply, and knowing that when she's struggling even going to the local shops is something she can't do. So expecting someone scared of flying to do it alone, especially in a heightened state seems unreasonable.

However I also am frustrated and even angry, because I enable this. She doesn't appreciate the cost and long term strain these trips cause.

[Neverland]

@Shaz51 @What a nightmare trip. Because she had run out of meds she was not at all stable. Within 10 minutes of getting on the plane she was freaking out and hysterical and shortly after take off said out loud 'I hope the plane crashes and we all die, cause I can't do 5 hours of this'

At that point the crew pulled me aside and told me that if she didn't stop they would turn the plane around and all costs would be on me. They did not understand the issues involved at all (I'm not excusing her behaviour). But the whole thing made me realise just how ill equiped I am to deal with a crisis.

[Shaz51]

ohhhh @Neverland 

sending you lots of tender hugs my friend 

how are you tonight 

@Faith-and-Hope, @SHINY 

[Neverland]

@Shaz51 Things are slowly settling. Back on meds, sleeping lots and recovering. We have also had a breakthrough where she wants to go and see a psychologist, not just psychiatrist. So from next week that will be a weekly event. 

It's a long and hard journey. We were talking last night about how we are both struggling not to be depressed, but to find joy in the small things and move forwards. 

[Shaz51]

Ohh @Neverland  a step forward my friend 

[Neverland]

@Shaz51 I don't know how and if I can go on anymore. I don't know how other people do it, I love my wife and care deeply, but the cost of the relationship on my mental health and wellbeing is enormous. I have not slept in two days now, I am not suicidal but I am in a very bad mental state.

Since my last update, she started seeing a psychologist as well as the psychiatrist. Things were looking really good and positive. Unfortunately everything has well and truly fallen apart again. Bearing in mind she is someone who on a good day can manage to do 2 or 3 household chores without being overwhelmed(washing, dishes and vacuuming, would be a good day for her).

It seems like a perfect storm came together over Easter. The whole Covid-19 situation is bringing uncertainty to all of us, but for her it added the dimension of would she be able to see her children this year? Then easter is a family time and she did not have her kids. So she asked me if I would be prepared to book a flight for her to go in 2 weeks time and that she felt she needed to go and be an adult 'on her own two feet' and parent the kids alone. I said I thought it was a bad idea and that we should discuss it, at which point she reached out to her ex and he bought her a ticket for the next day (less than 24 hours into the future). 

Being honest I was extremely angry and felt both betrayed and that give it 2 or 3 weeks and she will be wanting me to fly over and get her again. I said some really horrible things, and told her we were done and over and she was now on her own. 

She has gone over east, is begging me to keep the relationship alive. I am missing her and in a mess. Sorry this has been such a long post, but it helps to put it into words

[Whitehawk]

Hi there @Neverland 

I have just been reading your post from earlier today and thought I would send you a quick check in message. Good on you for posting such a honest and heartfelt message about your situation.  I hope your mental state is not too bad this evning. If you do need additional support please consider reaching out to the helplines and talking to somebody.

Please take care.

Whitehawk

[Shaz51]

ohhh my @Neverland , walking with you my friend xoxo

@Faith-and-Hope 

[NiteKat]

Hi @Neverland Just following up on your post and making sure that you are safe and staying in touch with the forum members as needed. Dont ever be reluctant to continue to use this resource! Thanks NiteKat (mod)