Lived Experience Forum

[petrichor]

Hello,

I've come for support (and comfort) from others who lost what they worked & thought they'd lived for. I worked, hard and with many sacrifices, for the career I had, and I'm not saying people don't work hard, I just worked hard on my own career. And ahoet years after I got to one of my major milestones (not the first one) I ever dreamed to strive for, I got ill, and eventually lost my job and went into 'nothingness'. Even years after, I miss it, I miss my job, I miss the people I worked with, I miss the job I did. This job was my life. It's what I studied for, it's what I put endless (and happy) hours into and I just loved my job. I really loved my job. I really loved my career. I loved the projects I did, my workmates and clients, my time in or out of the office, I just loved my job. And I lost it. And I lost it for a reason, because my brain doesn't work how it used to anymore. It's some years ago now, but it's still the same jearning for a job and matesship and passion I lived for since my teens. Even if it seems completely self indulgent, I say it here, I will never be able to use my (formerly) brilliant mind to work at these (for me) amazing developments again and will never be able to connect to the multitude of brilliant minds again, because I can't sustain and control my mind and it makes me so entirely sad because this was such an integral part of myself. I don't think it's only the status etc that I miss but it's me, I breathed and lived this job, yes I had and have value outside my career but it's like a racehorses who lost both legs and who can't even be in the stable or train with the other race horses. I just REALLY miss my job 😞

Is there anyone else out there who just misses their job, not just for money in their pocket, but because that's an integral part of who they are?

[ArraDreaming]

Yep, I can understand and I agree. I started a business that I worked so hard, I invested every waking minute into, I spent years and years studying to be qualified to go out and do this on my own. It was going great I was finally on a roll, and I was happy I loved going to work and getting to make spaces for people to be happy in, and I got a little money from it, not much, I struggled to make a profit and I was not very good at the administration side, but I loved it. When COVID happened I closed, then reopened when we’re allowed, I got a government grant and employed a staff member, then 2021 and the shit storm that the last few months has been with COVID in Victoria but also a mountain biking accident I had and I could no longer operate so I closed for good. At the moment I home with our 2 small kids while my partner works from home, it’s not our ideal situation at all, I love being home with the kids but I miss work so much. I feel deflated, like everything I worked for was pointless. COVID has ruined so many things and this is just one of them, I’m not sure I’ll ever financially recover from having to close down in only year 3 of full operation.
I miss meeting customers and at the end of the day getting to stand back and see what I did, knowing that was me (and everyone else that helped me with projects, sub contractors, architects etc) but I was the one actually making it with my own two hands.
I understand, the money isn’t what I miss the most, it’s just working.

[Appleblossom]

Me too @petrichor  and @ArraDreaming 

Its not a romantic heart abut a courage heart.

I have studied hard and worked hard. Had a lot of jobs and professional roles. There is so much more to working than just the money, after we moved on from basic get through adolescent uni type casual jobs.  Yes the mateship, and sense of aliveness, connectedness to fascinating individuals and organisations and usefulness.  Yes every job has there difficult aspects, but a lot of people do not "choose" mental health issues to get out of work, which is one sad narrative out there.

Apple

[chibam]

Hi @petrichor .

I understand what your saying, but from the opposite end of the equation. I feel the emptiness of not having a job that gives my life meaning (i.e. through the workplace friendships, enjoyment of the work, pride in the accomplishments, ect., ect.); but I haven't yet had such a job.

I was told a long time ago to give up all hope. Maybe I have. I don't know...

I get the impression that you and I share a similar frustration with other peoples' dismissiveness towards the importance of those non-financial qualities of a fulfilling job. People who look at your life and think everything must be hunky-dory if you aren't bankrupt yet. IMHO, it's not fair. I wish the world would recognize lack of life fulfillment as just as dire a crisis as lack of financial security.

[Bow]

I miss parts of my job. I went on maternity leave and due to my marriage breakdown and becoming a single mum, I decided not to go back to it. My job was stressful, I didn't like that side of it, but for the most part I loved what I did. I loved the people that I worked with- most of whom have now moved on, I liked the clients I worked with and enjoyed seeing changes in their lives, that was always so rewarding. I think I lost apart of me when I left that place. Lost myself in becoming a Mum. I struggle to imagine going back to work now. I know that a time will eventually come where I will have to, but I have no idea what I will actually do. 

[Rosie51]

Yes I hear you. I was a Teacher specialising in supporting Disinclined and "Naughty" kids I developed programs to help these kids and was very successful Now I'm retired and recovering from Acute Depression Episode and actually now a patient in a Mental Health ward Don't think I'll ever be able to do it again as my once highly intelligent brain just doesn't seem to be able to get it all together I've mourned that loss and now striving to improve towards some sort of normalcy :face_with_rolling_eyes: It's hard my friend and I too miss my workmates my students and the challenges Good luck to us both! Talking to professionals has helped me and much as I didn't want to be in this position as an in-patient, it is what it is Sending bright sunshine to you Cheers rosie51

[petrichor]

Hi all,

thank you so much for your messages, for your understanding and for sharing your experience. I will write more tomorrow but I just want to thank you all!

have a good evening x

[Matt12]

Hi

I have warn for hats than a politician with regards to my working life, this process was due to my 'head'.

The process to date has lost me continuity of work 'at one provider' but enhanced my still sets acroos the board and made me more resilient. You be fine just go and do it 'get a job' and move ON

[Corny]

I am sorry you lost your job @petrichor it is devastating, especially in a society and culture like Australia where there is very little community outside of work.

There's no such thing as secure work anymore. Even so called 'permanent' positions are easy to get rid of in the next departmental or corporate restructure, they can just restructure and make people redundant every 3 to 5 years or so. Australia has a huge proportion of casualised work, thank you John Howard. 

I hope that you aren't renting and aren't mortgaged, I feel really sorry for people that are and are forced into retirement through redundancy. I have friends that were happy to retire in their 50s......but I think that is too early......just my opinion, but I have seen what not working has done to my own mental health and my family too. Its devastating, and hurts your confidence on every level. Corny 

[BPDSurvivor]

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories.

@petrichor , I hear the devastation in your post - the pain, the loss, the isolation. I also feel for you @ArraDreaming - working so hard, then losing it due to COVID. @Appleblossom , I totally agree with you when you said MH doesn't "choose". 

I can only imagine how you are feeling @petrichor @ArraDreaming . I spend many hours of my waking like working, and that's because I love my job. I love getting out, the people, the challenges, the triumphs.... I'd be lost without work. 

When I was in PARC (prevention and recovery centre), one key goal I developed as part of my recovery was to find people/friends/community OUTSIDE work. This is because when work 'fails', I'd have others to bounce off. As much as I love work, I'm reaching out to outhef communities just so I have a bit more balance in life. Particularly because I realised that when you hang around work people, you talk about work, and in a way, that's not really giving me a break from work.

Its difficult because I invest so much into my working life, but putting all my eggs in one basket may mean they all get cracked at once! 

Im learning. We're all learning.

BPDSurvivor