why can't I cope longer?

[outlander]

Evening @Former-Member 

Thats ok i get what you mean by opening a can of worms when speaking about family. Its hard wanting their approval but knowing its unlikely  youll get it huh. Wanting to be love and accepted (esp by those who are suppose to love and care) is normal and natural though. And yep taking a break can be a good thing.

Urgh technology. It sucks when they dont want to work! Hope you got centrelink stuff  sorted out and your rego too. You know you can do your rego online? 

[Kit108]

Sorry to hear... you're not alone...felt exactly this many times... stay strong 💪

[Former-Member]

Hiya online family, hope all's well? I'm kinda ok. Emplied more stuff out of the van yesterday. I'm so tired of juggling 'stuff' guess most of it is a case of "might need that one day" and not really living in the now. Hoping this move sorts out that need of mine.
So cold here this week, out in the country. -4 o/n and white frost on everything in the mornings.
Suicidal thoughts less yesterday. I've been getting a lot of flashbacks lately (ptsd) from my daughter's passing, disappointing as thought I was over it 😞 Must be the heightened stress levels. Need to find a pdychologist maybe, but not sure there's much more they can offer. I've started using the mindfulness strategies to get through the waves.
Miss everyone 💜

[outlander]

hi @Former-Member sounds cold where you are! so far we havent gotten into the minuses, 3 degrees has been the lowest but i really would prefer it to not get lower lol.
take your time with unpacking, its a really big job esp having to sort out everything.
you dont have to get over anything @Former-Member i cant really imagine how your feeling with the loss of your daughter.
it might not be such a bad idea to speak to a psychologist, your adjusting to quite abit like new house and new community etc and having to maintain your own mental and physical wellbeing.

Do you have much on today?

[Former-Member]

Nice to see you @outlander, Thanks. Not much planned but might take GG for a walk, she can't get enough pats atm. Do you have pets? I'm naughty and still in bed. Should have a drink & pills I guess. So much rolling trough my head. Have to work hard at living in the present moment.
How's things with you?

[outlander]

a walk sounds good @Former-Member
i only got out of bed about 9 oclock usually im up before 7 so was a sleep in. do you want to talk about the things rolling through your head atm?
yeah ive got a bird, a dog, and the horses- they arent really mine though i just look after them.

[Former-Member]

Oh dear, can't believe 12hrs since I checked in here, and missed your reply @outlander, Pleased to say I got a bit done today, after a late start, really had to focus though. What's going through my head is maybe more to do with acceptance of current circumstances, letting go of things I can't control and working out what direction to start with making new connections. Have this middle side fridge still in the car that I need help to bring into the house, but I literally don't know who to ask. So stupid it's been there this long. Just so wary of people. The only contact I have with the outside world is the odd trip to the shop, occasional pH call, and the net (here). But I'm weird cause im actually so conflicted whether to pick up any calls, I have pH on silent or aeroplane mode. A big art of my hidden self is screaming "everyone just leave me alone" but another pard is broken hearted and lonely... So sick of this aspect of myself. Just have O not think, focus on the birds or something instead.
Did some embroidery today, dad's initials on handkerchiefs. That's therapeutic.
Only had two flashbacks today, not so intense.
Tonight I watched the Whitney Houston documentary - so depressing, especially how hey used her & he doesn't it's & He untimely end, and her daughter... Sheesh. Bit of a trigger but managing. How's your depression going?

Hi there @Adge, I see you in the background ☺️👍 The bird life is wonderful here, so often want to jump online and tell you about it. How's your birds going?

[outlander]

Morning @Former-Member and all passing through this morning.


well done on getting things done yesterday. its ok that it was a late start, i dont think furniture and things can grow legs and run away 😉
with getting some help though, i wonder if the salvation army would be able to help you unload your things into your new house, in my area they help people with moving, maybe thatll be the same for you too... if it comes down to it, perhaps post on a local facebook page and ask if anyone would be willing to help you with the heavy furniture- there may be some fee involved in that though.
i hear what your saying about wanting to be left alone but also feeling lonley too. that can be really tricky to manage hey, its something i contend with too.

going to the shops is a really great start with getting out in your new community. perhaps theres an embroidery type group you could join in with or like a walk and talk meetup where you go walking with other people and meet new people within that group...


Sounds like theres abit on your mind hey, thats not unusual to have going on. acceptance and letting go are really hard things to do so dont be to hard on yourself if the things you try dont work straight away. perhaps journalling or using a 'worry box' may be of help?
im glad to hear your flashbacks werent as intense though, i hope that made the day just a little easier..

im going a little better today, things at home are rough with pops dementia and physical ailments worsening, along with more increased responsibilites, more tests which are quite worrying, surgury coming up, aniversaries.. i still have more downs then ups but try to remember the good days when its a tough day.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @outlander - that's a very thorough reply 💜 @ Remembering the Good Days, and that they do come, sure helps. I find I have to MAKE them happen more though these days, when I have the energy - kinda an investment in the future I guess.
Understand with your dad, I went through this with my dad last year, and now, but he's in care now., and iisee him less having move away - visiting is harder now... but its good to be away from abusive brothers  Life is so difficult..

[outlander]

indeed @Former-Member sometimes we cant wait for the good days to come. how do you make your days better?
your move sounds abit bitter sweet- both good and bad points.