Lived Experience Forum

[PurpleFlowers]

Hi @Renstar

I am current studying.  I have recently finished some training hours for my course and had an awful experience.  The supervisor seemed open and easy to talk to at the interview and my first day.  Following from the next day she said good morning to the person who sits near me and didnt look at me or engage me and would ask the lady who sat closest to me how how her weekend was.  At the lunch table she would start an open conversation and if I said anything she would ignore it and look at others for comment and never make eye contact with me.  She set me up to fail on a task and then took that work off me and made a derrogatory comment.  This person knew the uni supervisor I was given outside of the training they had worked together before.  I started to mention something in one of my supevision sessions and the supervisor competely ignored what I said and made a comment how great the supervisor is, how experienced she is and I knew at that moment there was no emotional support for me in that training experience.   Everyday I struggled with terrible feelings of anxiety and sensory sensations that were overwhelming, I hardly slept for three months and dreaded going into that workplace.  I put on a brave front and got through it but I am not strong enough to work in those type of toxic cultures.  I havent worked for a few years and before then I worked a lot on my own.  My earlier years were filled with sexual harrassment with nearly every job I have had.  I have already lost interest in thinking about working in the field I am studying in for so many reasons and that latest experience has just topped it off.  I have found that a lot of my experiences like with this woman they are under handed and not openly for others to see.  She seemed to have very good relations with everyone in the workplace.  It makes it very difficult to confront and get the needed support from above.  I felt completely powerless and overwhelmed.  I am glad I finished it for myself but it came at too higher price on my health (physical, mental, emotional) I only have one more placement and a few units of theory left to complete to finish my course.  I have put my next placement off until mid way through 2017 as I couldnt bare that much stress so soon.  Maybe my next placement wont be like that (heres hoping).  However, it is has been an eyeopener and stark reminder to workplace cultures.  I just need to finish my course for myself now and then make decisions about work later on.