Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

[Former-Member]

Hello lovely forumites. I'm helping out the Community Managers with some new threads and I thought it might be useful to talk about why self-care can be so hard at times.

Self-care is anything we purposely do to support our health and wellbeing, and a lot of us struggle with it. For some people it's not having much space in the day. For others there are thoughts that they don't deserve it, or that they shouldn't need it, or that it's self-indulgent... 

Does anyone else experience this? What do you do to start to tune into that self-compassion and self-care?

[Shaz51]

this is a very interesting subject

 @Former-Member 

Does anyone else experience this?, yes 

self-care can be so hard at times., it sure can and there a lots of reasons why as well 

thinking about it ,

I think one of my biggest reason was ( I thought self care had to be big) and i had no time to fit in something big and then something always happens to stop it 

What do you do to start to tune into that self-compassion and self-care?

for me was to relise it is the small self care that we can fit in which helps me more , there are still moments which makes it hard but  at the end of the afternoon to have a cuppa in the front yard or the steps 

[Former-Member]

That's a good point @Shaz51, I think we often have an idea of what self-care 'should' be. It sounds like you felt it had to be something big and heroic for a while 💪, which I completely understand. 

I used to have the image of self-care as taking a bath, which is lovely but doesn't really work for me! 

[Shaz51]

and another issue @Former-Member 

is the lack of room , like having somewhere where you can leave a jigsaw puzzles or arts and craft so you can go back to when you can 

[Tay]

I used to live by the rule 'Up, shower, dress'. I know I won't get anything done if I don't put my shoes on in the morning. Now - I can't find motivation - I can't visit my sons, I can't visit my parents - I only have one friend and she was diagnosed with cancer a week before lockdown so I can't visit her.

[Escaped_Goat]

@Former-Member  Great topic.  For me I don't feel I am worthy and that it's selfish to put my needs and wants ahead of others.  That was drummed into my head for so much of my life that the only way I can do anything for myself is by making it about someone else.  
Mind games I play.  I need to eat healthily so I will be around for the grandkids.
I need to walk because the dog needs to walk.  

[Shaz51]

For me I don't feel I am worthy and that it's selfish to put my needs and wants ahead of others. --- we have all felt that my @Escaped_Goat 

but we need to care for ourselves so we can care for others 

@Former-Member, @Tay , @Former-Member , @Former-Member , @Former-Member , @Smc , @Determined , @Mrsjones , @Appleblossom , @outlander 

[Determined]

'For me I don't feel I am worthy and that it's selfish to put my needs and wants ahead of others'

I can also relate to this.

Not that it is something that it was directly drummed into me, expect by the silent example set by my parents.  Always putting others first. Suck it up princess and get on with life kind of approach. 

[Smc]

@Tay. That's hard on top of hard. 😞

Hubby and I sometimes feel like a team of two. We don't have many friends at a level where we'd meet up to do something. A lot of "friendly acquaintances", and some very supportive people too, but at the same time, if you asked either of us who we'd want to meet with for a cuppa or movie or outing, we'd be a bit stumped.

'S'funny, when we had a big figure birthday party last year, we had a lot of guests there who really appreciate knowing us, but somehow we still often feel distant from people. I think part of it is that conversations too often get sideswiped into carer issues. Ordinary chit chat is hard to maintain, because "all roads lead to... ummm, chaos?". Our own self identities get kind of swamped out.

[Shaz51]

@Jay-e, @greenpea , @Boo13 , @Jacques