TW Suicidal ideation and SH urges : Back on the merry go round

[MelancholiGal]

I’m not coping tonight and has been in this state the past week or so. The only way I’m able to keep safe is to self-harm and temporarily escape the thoughts  and urges. I engage in unhealthy coping mechanisms everyday all day... I feel so stuck in this merry go round. I don’t know how to get off that merry go round and enjoy life As a normal human being would. I believe that no one can do anything to help me get out of this rut...

Content/trigger warning

my sense of Reality is distorted so I don’t know what’s real from what’s not...I feel like I’m insane coz I have these voices in my head and that the t.v is urging me to act on this urge.., I honestly don’t know how to fix me, I feel like by committing suicide is my life’s destiny. It’s really hard to keep motivated to push through past these urges and thoughts.

I don’t know if this post make sense either... I can’t live life like this, No one should... it’s so easy to just take the easiest and probably my only option is to end it now. It’s selfish but I feel like that’s what I have to do. Apologies on this post if it doesn’t make sense... but hopefully someone out there has been in this situation and made it through. Need advice as to things I can do to move past this

[tyme]

Hi @MelancholiGal ,

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you have been through the mill and you really want to get off this vicious cycle of hurt and pain. I read and hear how much you want things to change. You want things to be different. You want to know what reality is.

Yet... I recognise how hard it is to do this. 

A constant cycle of engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms each day every day needs a real determination to break. 

On the forums here, we can support you through this emotionally, however, it may also mean a trip to the GP to see how they can support you manage the voices you hear. These voices that are so strong and demanding at times.

I hear your hurt. 

There IS hope. Hold onto that hope and don't let go. 

Allow yourself to be helped.

I have also sent you an email. 

Please take care.