Fragile

[Dimity]

Kudos for starting to stick up for yourself @Appleblossom . There will be consequences sometimes but learning to pick your battles is certainly part of process. And it's good to think strategically re time and place.

Yes a range of sizes in recorder family.  One sister started on sop when still a preschooler with tiny hands. A good instrument isn't cheap so I'd want to be committed to buy a tenor or bass... and happily ensconced in a group. 

I've lost sight of my music. And other things. Realised today I have no idea where my knitting patterns are. Had a rummage and turned up some old craft projects I should finish before starting anything new.

[Appleblossom]

@Dimity 

It’s good you unearthed some craft projects. Follow what speaks to you.

Tenors can be a problem regarding stretch. A comfort tenor can be expensive, but reduces stress on the hands.

just popping in, but exhausted.

[tyme]

Hey @Appleblossom ,

How are you?

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @tyme for asking. I am doing all my good things, but my thoughts are not good. Feeling hopeless about not feeling good enough for the world of people and dealing with lots of suicidal ideation. It just rattles around all day in my head. 

Life at home has been settled most of the year and I love my son. It is not him, but I wish I could have given him a better chance for a better life.

we had a lamb roast yesterday and lamb soup today.

[tyme]

Hey @Appleblossom ,

I'm sorry it sounds so hard with those thoughts. I can see some of those thoughts are taking you a mile away. 

I think, as people, there are things in our lives that we all wish we could've done better. And if we had a magic wand and could turn back time, we probably would. I guess the reality is that we can only work with the now.

I don't know much about your son, but I'm sure you were doing the best you could for him at that time.

[Faith-and-Hope]

😘💕💖🍎🌸❣️ @Appleblossom …..

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @tyme 

@Faith-and-Hope lovely to see you 

👒

yes, I did do my best for my children. I think my son understands that. 

It’s not really guilt, I put my whole soul, body and mind into it. I have been betrayed a lot. I still do the daily grind and my whole being is primed for gentle glimmers, though that is a new word in colloquial terms. 

Dealing with others socially, takes a lot from me. Maybe my standards are too high, about how caring I should be. I have been working at more presence and energy socially, but also want to treasure the quietness.

[tyme]

Hey @Appleblossom ,

And I see that with a lot of parents, that they do the damn best raising their children. Could there have been improvement? Probably yes, but the fact is, you did you very best and you made sacrifices so your children could have what you thought was best for them.

I take my had off to you.

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @tyme 

the 3 children became polarised. Doubt it will resolve in my lifetime.

 I kept stretching myself and learned as much about parenting and therapy etc. I doubt my exhusband would have done as well without me. I am sad , my son is the one to suffer the most. He is stoic, though, and we had a good talk today. I have a grief, accepting him on disability, but we have to make the best out of our situation. 

[Cuddlebear]

@Appleblossom Good morning my friend. How are you feeling today? 

I wanted to let you know that you are an excellent parent. None of us a perfect but it’s obvious you love your son with all your soul and that tells me you are doing the best you can as a parent. Your son loves you because you are an awesome parent. 

Despite everything you are going through you are there for him. That’s exactly what a decent parent looks like.