You have had a really busy week so far @Owlunar Hope tomorrow is a rest day for you. I read about you appointment today - some changes and majot things to think about. The loss of your son has had a big impact on your life and it can't hurt having someone to talk that through with. Hydro did wonders for my back so I hope you find it okay for you and it helps with your knee. I am back to the pool next week myself as they will be open all day again and I can get back into a routine again. It has been a big few weeks for you but you are dealing with it all as best you can. I hope you can organise your next trip away to give yourself some much needed time out and can recharge your batteries a bit and feel a little better for it. 
Hi @Zoe7@outlander@Shaz51@utopia@BlueBay
It was a huge week and yes - I feel as if I have had a bunch of big weeks lately - I slept 8 hours straight through last night - I was so tired I thought I would just go to bed but decided to shower because it is so humid and I felt sweaty - and maybe that helped to sleep so long too
My domestic and shopping lady will be here soon - but it's easy when she is doing my ironing - I can sit and chat with her when she does that - and I do like to do my own shopping - I like to pick things out for myself - it's an outing too though today it might be an effort with this humidity
Seeing another psychologist was not something I planned but this time whoever it is knows I don't want to talk about my mother - I did not like the way the last one was picking around in my brain like the birds eating breadcrumbs off the concrete - as if she was just checking it out to see what she could find - but I really don't hide much from myself so this will be different - I will be talking about the trauma of not just the death but the life of my son - I often wonder if I did enough for him or too much for him - I over-extended myself and I was exhausted when he died. And the last thing I said to him was that I had warned him that this day had come - he had broken the law often and now in a way that could not be ignored - I couldn't help him anymore.
That is a terrible thing to remember but I know this too - it wasn't my choice - he made those choices and although I might and do understand a lot of his reasons - it is still hard.
And I hope I don't have to think about it again today - my helper today laughs at my jokes and we both have a good time and I like getting out of the house to shop too - I enjoy it.
What you say about a routine Zoe is such a good idea - I guess I have a routine now that works but the thought of going out more often feels good and I think I can go to the U3A- they must have something I am interested in because I am interested in so much - and also I thought about learning to sign - I thought about this when my mother was losing her hearing but she was not interested herself and so I never followed that up
There's a lot of good things to do really - and I hope we don't get a lot of fires in Gippsland because I would like to go to Lakes Entrance but still thinking - there is always Tassie - I love Tassie - and when I see pictures of Mount Wellington I feel homesick and there is one photo I have seen on TV often where I can see Wrest Point standing up so clearly I remember the great time I had there with all those diningrooms and cafes and the views and being so close to the estuary - I might just take that option though I think my relatives are too ill for me to visit though I could let them know I will be in Hobart - that does feel like a good idea
Still making plans - but making plans is a great way to live especially when I really can make some of my dreams come true
I am feeling a little tired - a lot tired actually - but I think I have come around a big corner in my life and think things might get better -
Thanks all my dear friends for just being there as well as sending messages and pictures - those are lovely flowers Shaz
Dec
