Your pictures are very evocative and show depth. @Wanderer
It can take a lot of energy choosing to feed the white wolf when the black one rears its ugly head.
Maybe that is why some days are bed days. I also call it grief work or emotional work. For a long time I thought I would never feel like getting up, but it did happen, so now I find beating myself up about it less, and I get more done.
I am also wary about meds and seen bad stuff, but eventually went on stronger ones a couple of years ago. I havemanaged to keep a cap on them, and was quite determined to, and can now see a time when I wean myself off them.
Whatever gets you through in as best shape possible.
Also with B&W duality there can be poignant beauty. Here is a famous pic of a beautiful woman. You can see the physical strain in her face.
how are you going my @Wanderer
@Appleblossom. @Bunniekins . @Zoe7 , @The-red-centaur
my mum now has staf nfection in her wound which she had a fall xx
I will remember you @Wanderer
I have known what it is like to be invisible.
Your bush skills will probably be helpful, to yourself and others, no matter what you choose. I am a city person, but spent a little time in the country growing up, and YES due to humanity being pretty horrible and selfish in general, I turned to the silence and felt moments of calm, connectedness and peace walking in the bush.
Maybe work on the reality of lack of jobs in age and physical ability range with ... obligations ...
There is dignity and a tradition of self reliance and bush survival. My father spoke of it, but did not have skills either and died when I was young anyway. I am not sure what resources you still have ... dream from a place of self respect, allow the black and white wolves a little space with the dingoes, move forward, and see where it leads you ...