@outlander hey lil Sis. I actually don't believe it's appropriate that you work on deep seated traumas right now, and most good therapists would agree. Trauma isn't usually worked on until you are stable and ready. There's a couple of therapy modalities I think would suit you. Either schema therapy or EMDR.
And although this might sound harsh, the only way your sister could be affected is if you continuously expose her to it. Most children are incredibly resilient. At some point you need to deal with this trauma. When you intervened in the dog fight, it was from pure protective love and caring. It wasn't stupid at all. And it most certainly wasn't your fault. You need to find forgiveness in your own heart, and believe it that you did everything you could at the time.
And I hear you saying you can't have a breakdown but I remember only a few months ago this is what happened when you weren't sleeping, eating, having panic attacks, etc. You desperately need the right people to support you encourage you, guide you. You don't have any of this. They bully you into what they want you to do, and it's not helping.
Can you think about ringing the BPD foundation next week and trying to see how they can help?
You can't carry on like this
@outlander. You already have a broken hand, you've almost crashed your car several times. I know you are frustrated, despairing, feel worthless and hopeless, but start fighting for a better life for you hun. I know you have massive potential. Keep fighting. Yes, it's exhausting, but so necessary.
( you dont need to respond unless you want to , just acknowledging ive noticed your support, thank you) 
