Far and Away

[eth]

Hey @Faith-and-Hope  I can see at least a few major challenges for you in making it all happen.  Go you for managing uni on top of everything else.  If anyone can do it you can.  You never cease to impress me.  Best wishes for as smooth a week as possible.  

[Former-Member]

Hi @Zoe7   

How was your day?  I hope you got enough sleep overnight to enable you to function at work today.

I was disappointed not to see you in the new list of CGs ... but under the circumstances I guess its best.

I have been thinking of you all day actually ... really concerned about you sweetheart.

Sherry 💕

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @eth 

Sorry @Sans911  and @Former-Member I got muddled about pics. Always too much going on. but the conversation progressed which was the main point,  Hope nether of you were miffed.

Hugs @Faith-and-Hope and @Zoe7  and @outlander 

Here is a pic celebrating woman strength

Dam their heads are cut off like in the ole dayz with bad photographers.lol  I have too much of a headache to fix it ... just something to give the eyes a rest from text ...

Oooops system did not like it and I cant figure out how to do a "work around".

Try this pic .... sigh ... fluster ....

Hug

[Zoe7]

I made it to work @Former-Member but broke down after recess. Luckily I had someone else in my office that told me to take as much time as I needed. I didn't socialise with anyone today - stayed completely away from everyone unless I was in the classroom. I didn't go to the funeral either - did not think I could manage that at all. 

I did get some sleep but not enough so hoping for this evening to be an early night. I have such a mess at my place as I haven't been able to do anything for days and things still live where they have landed. Just feeding the babies and getting to work is about all I can do.

My appointment with my GP has been moved to next week as she is not going to be here this week - I really needed that appointment but there is nothing I can do. The only appointments left this week were when I was at work and I have to take half a day off next week to get my teeth out.

One very disappointed little flutterby here 

[Former-Member]

@Zoe7   Well done ... you did great to make it to work at all.  Treat that as an achievement in itself.  And as for just managing the bare essentials at home, eg feeding the furbabies (and hopefully yourself as well?) ... thats just fine too.  That is enough for now.  You manage incredibly well when you have such a heavy load on your shoulders emotionally and psychologically.  You are one incredibly inspirational lady ... all round.  I too am very disappointed that your GP appointment will not be happening this week as planned.  Does TAS have a long weekend this weekend coming?  We have a Queens Birthday monday holiday next Monday.  Perhaps you do too?  One extra day off, although not enough, will hopefully be a short break for you.  Oh and before I forget ... I know you are not enjoying your sport like you normally would .. BUT ... whoo hoo ... your Liverpool soccer team had a big win over the weekend.  Cant let that one go without some celebration.

Sherry 

[Zoe7]

All my teams won over the weekend and I couldn't get any joy out of any of it @Former-Member 

Not the GP I am most disappointed about but I did need to see her this week. Now I will have GP and pdoc both next Wednesday.

We do have this Monday off as well. Will need it by then. I feel like I have been hit by a bus this last week - so much to get over and deal with and none of it is over yet. Still very much feeling like I do not belong here anymore and that will take a lot of time (maybe) to get over. I know @Faith-and-Hope will be away for a couple of weeks soon also so that is just adding to my grief this week. It never rains but it pours hey!

Still in SI mode and getting through hour by hour but work is good - being with the kids does help. The AP asked how I was going today and I told her I spent the whole weekend crying - it was at a time I should have been at the funeral too so that just added to how I was feeling. They are so wonderful. She asked if I wanted to leave and go to it but I said I couldn't deal with it so it was best I didn't go. I feel guilty for not paying my respects but I honestly could not handle that with the weekend I have had.

One step at a time and staying safe are my priorities right now - the rest will have to wait.

[Zoe7]

Still waiting for pic @Appleblossom but will go back to it later. Hope you are having an okay day 

[Former-Member]

Yeah I know @Zoe7  ... when we are unable to gain any joy from things which would normally thrill us to bits, then we are in deep.  I am so sorry that you are back in SI mode.  I trust you know what to do and what works for you, to get you through all that safely. 

Not the GP that you are so disappointed in huh?  I had thought as much, and have been thinking along different lines since Friday.  I'm glad you have Monday off work.  But there again, when work is a good distraction for you, perhaps you need to find something specific to do on that day.  Do you have any ideas of what you could do?

Its good that you did not push yourself to attend the funeral.  You do not have to be present to pay your respects to your former colleague/friend.  I always think that to attend funerals is more to show support to the departed's loved ones, rather then showing respect for the person themself. If my assumptions are correct, I dont think you were close to her other family members?  You can say your own goodbyes and show respect for your friend in the privacy of your own home, or any other place which is significant to you and/or her.  Do not feel guilty for not being there.  She is not there either. In fact its much more likely  that her spirit, soul, presence or whatever you/she believes in, is more likely to be around her loved ones and those she respected and admired.  She may well be with you now.  I am not a religious person, but I do believe that.

Yep ... your priorities are intact .... stay safe first and foremost. The rest will wait.  And regarding the CG position ... we all know how much we are missing by you not being there.  Its definitely our loss.  But perhaps your gain, at the end of the day.  You can achieve just as much simply by being here and being you.  You are enough Zoe.  More than enough.

Sherry 🌺😢💕

[Zoe7]

It is not good that both my pdoc and GP are not there this week @Former-Member I really needed that appointment this week. I even came home today at lunch time to cuddle Toby after I found out I couldn't see my GP this week as planned. It is not ideal but I can't change it - just have to get through the next week and a half.

I think most of next long weekend will be spent sleeping - that is all I feel like doing. I really am down that dark hole again and the new meds will take a couple of weeks to work - that is the downfall of changing meds but the last ones where not working anymore so there was no choice. I have everything safely away so I am not tempted - that I know I needed to do to stay safe. I honestly do not know which way is up right now but at least the crying has stopped for now.

I know that the colleague who died had just as much respect for me as I did her. My mum even said that to me the other day so she must have told her as much. Unfortunately that has not lifted me at all. The best I can do to honour her is to continue to do the job we both loved the best I can. I am definitely taking the 1/2 class next term and whilst right now it feels too much for me I need to give these new meds time to work and hope that I can come out of this soon.

I do not feel enough right now and today has been super hard. I still don't feel I have anything left to give here. I have been beaten down over the last week and do not know how to get up again. Too much has happened over the last week - it has been one thing on top of another. I do know that I need support right now but even that is hard to accept. Can't fight off the negative feelings and therefore can't give anything myself. It is all too hard. I honestly do not know if that will change either. Some things we just can't come back from.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Zoe7 

I am so glad you made it to work today and the AP was there for you.  It is such a comfort to know you are being looked after so well in your work environment, as well as nurse Toby and nurse Cat waiting at home for you ......

I have been popping in to see if you were about.   Not this last hour though.  One of my classmates came to the library with me to help

me with an aspect of the Photoshop assignment that I couldn’t work out at home.  Hopefully back on track for my homework tonight now.

I am so sorry to hear that your GP appointment has been delayed, but also glad to hear that you have taken the necessary precautions you need to ..... I will be around tonight .... more Photoshop work to do.

We might be moving house after the break ..... It’s only just come up, but I will know later in the week.  If it comes together it will take a lot of pressure off our very-condensed living space ..... and hopefully result in some better organisation.  You’re right, it never rains but it pours ...... the upheaval won’t be ideal for the start of the new semester.