My psych told me to go to the pub and have a few drinks and dinner so I did @AuntGlow . But sadly the people around me were talking about the need to arrest a guy with bipolar. I panicked and left a mostly full drink and didn’t eat. I struggled back up the hill. I’m horribly unfit because of smoking and my bad back. Luckily some people I know from the local gave me a lift the rest of the way home. I was incredibly grateful.
I’m not sleeping well. My gut is playing up due to extreme anxiety. My dad suffered from this and I have inherited that and high blood pressure from him. He had GAD and depression. My mum had bipolar disorder. So my genes are bad. I can’t discuss how my father died on here I think. My mum had frontal lobe dementia and died quite quickly. I was estranged from my mother as I couldn’t deal with her really nasty bipolar and the fact that she often stopped taking her meds. I tried to help my dad but he was intransigent and couldn’t help himself. I feel bad about what my dad did. Thinking why couldn’t I help him. Both died relatively young. I fear I will too.
I have had several bad nights sleep. Stuck in a new cycle of not being able to face a shower, but need to go to shop. It is cold and a few showers here this early morning. Need to shower tomorrow as have eye test. I hate water and really feel the cold when I shower. I heat bathroom before getting in the shower.
Waiting for it to get light so I can go to shop. I will probably walk. I believe I am unsafe to drive atm I literally shake. Never regained my driving confidence since causing an accident some years ago this is due to my high anxiety. Sometimes feel like should stop driving but public transport is not good even though it’s free for me as I have a SA seniors card.
I have a helper who does the gardening, cleaning and drives me to appts, but he is unreliable often cancelling at short notice and letting me down. He doesn’t listen properly to my instructions. I cannot afford another helper. I’m not on NDIS and too young for aged care support. Thinking should apply for NDIS but concerned by forthcoming changes to NDIS eligibility. The states have already said they cannot afford to pick up the slack. Also intimidated by form for NDIS and documents have to supply. Can’t do online forms as hopeless with technology. Thinking should go to centrelink to get help but have had bad experiences with them in the past.
Well excuse the rant once again. Thinking I’ll have breakfast now. Maybe after that I can face shower maybe not. Don’t smell too much yet. Gut has settled down.
