Feeling caged up

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer I’m on antibiotics and use a anti-bacterial wash in the shower but they don’t seem to make much difference sometimes. Occasionally one of the spots swells up and bursts. It may just be stress related. I am allergic to penicillin and coconut. I recently missed a mammogram due to a burst spot. Maybe it is fungal and related to being post menopausal. Who knows? Getting in to see a specialist is impossible. I can’t even remember how long it has been but I reckon over 5 years.

I am pleased to hear you have eaten something today. Well done! An eating disorder would be so hard. I am getting hungry. I had breakfast at 6.30 and lunch at noon so I’m not surprised I’m hungry.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP are you seeing a specialist through the public system? If you go privately it’s generally quicker but it’s more expensive.

I don’t want to let the ED go even though people say otherwise, can’t just will myself to normalise my eating habits. I’m deeply involved with anorexia. I know they say it’s risky for my health, but I can’t stop

[GezzaP]

My GP said it would be no quicker to go private but I wonder. @creative_writer Yes it must be really hard to deal with anorexia. Must be like being trapped in your habits and your body. Have you tried working with a psychologist? 

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP I’m not sure which specialist you’re trying to get into, but I know that while many have wait times, they’re often not years.

I have a lot more work to do with my psych.

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer Need to see a dermatologist. Will explore private options when I can afford it.

I figure a psychologist can help you.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP you should be able to find a dermatologist with less wait, I know you can in Melbourne.

The ED plan includes more psych sessions than the mental health plan, and also includes dietician. The reason why I have an ED is because my other mental illnesses aren’t well controlled. I feel like people often joke about having ptsd, without knowing how devastating it can be. It’s a daily struggle, doesn’t help with bipolar. Bipolar doesn’t help with trauma. I also have lots of social anxiety. I also think I have OCD, I have worries around germs and feeling like I need to check things. I also obsess over whether I’ve done the wrong thing when I had traumatic experiences, I start wondering whether I could’ve done something to stop it and if I’m responsible. I’m also ND, I have ASD and ADHD

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer Oh I’m so sorry you have so many issues. I get anxiety too. I also worry a lot at times. Sometimes I get panic attacks. Most of the time my bipolar is stable unless I get a trigger then things can be rough.

It doesn’t help when my sister blames me for the bipolar symptoms. She says suicide is selfish. Luckily I don’t have the guts to suicide but occasionally get ideation if I’m depressed. 
i’m awake in the middle of the night again. But still feel tired so I’m staying in bed and will try to go back to sleep.

Booked in to see a chiropractor to get my back and neck treated on Monday. Prefer that to a physio and it is much cheaper.

I will try to find a dermatologist. 
It is expensive but “since cutting back on the smokes I have been saving money. If I can get off the bloody things I’ll save a lot of money. They are expensive. 

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP I hope you are able to get some sleep soon. I didn’t have a restful night either.

I hope the chiro helps, I’ve never tried chiro before, only physio. Physio is pretty limited, I get more benefit through strength training.

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer I am a weakling that’s part of aging and lack of exercise. I’m very lazy: 

I didn’t manage to go back to sleep.

Definitely hypomanic. Settling in to watch footy. Puss on my lap. Didn’t eat much lunch too tired to do much. Got some popcorn to eat during the game.

Can take painkillers again at 3pm. 
Need to change anti-psychotic meds. Will have to speak to psychiatrist. Managing bipolar can be really hard sometimes.

Hope you sleep better tonight.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP I hope things settle for you soon and you sleep better tonight. Sleep is super important, makes a huge difference.