Feeling caged up

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow it feels like a lot and I don't know what to do. It's just been getting out of hand when I thought it was more under control. I've just had something to eat and just took my meds, it takes a while for the drowsiness to kick in. Will try to go to bed by 10pm.

I'm trying to breathe right now. Box breathing helps, it helps to focus my attention outside of my body, my body also feels wrong

[AuntGlow]

When do you notice things feel more 'under control'? @creative_writer, I wonder if there's a way we can incorporate one of those contributing factors into this evening? 🫶

Okay, I hope you are able to get some rest, lovely - taking your medication sounds like it was a really good idea. 

Box breathing is a great strategy. Do you find humming or shaking helps too? 

[AuntGlow]

Good evening @GezzaP,

It sounds like you had a really busy day!!

How are things feeling mentally and physically at the moment? 💛

[GezzaP]

Slept only 4 hours again @creative_writer . Meds wear off after 4 hours and I have to get up to go to the loo. Then I can’t get back to sleep.

Gut upset again because didn’t sleep properly. Is a viscious cycle. Trying to nap but not succeeding. Maybe later in the afternoon. 

Have put indoor plants back in dining room. Moved them into bath tub out of the way of the painter. He dripped a little bit of paint. But luckily I have wooden floors and it scrapes off easily. I can’t smell paint at all.

Got TV on ABC News channel. Silly COALition leader trying to defend their ridiculous new climate change “policy”. Utter crap. They will lose more seats in cities. Fools. Young people don’t vote for them and their numbers are increasing. If they go for less immigration as well like it seems like they will they’ll lose ethnic votes too.

[GezzaP]

Mentally and physically a wreck mostly due to not sleeping for more than 4 hours most nights @AuntGlow  Back and neck ok. But will ache later.

Gut playing up due to lack of sleep and too much coffee. Off to have more coffee - know I shouldn’t have it but stuck in insomnia mode. Webinar on sleep on too late for me.

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow it doesn't feel as hard when things are under control. I don't get regular SI (safe) like I am now. I am also better able to manage stress, I think I am just heightened right now. All I can do is keep trying with self care, but still feeling too much.

I haven't tried humming or shaking. Butterfly taps can help.

@GezzaP I hope you are able to get a nap, it sounds like you've got quite a bit done today. Australia politics is well, messy. We need great leaders, just not sure where we can find them

[creative_writer]

At the moment I’m struggling to see a way. SI is better now, but still so depressed. I’m exhausted, burnt out, unmotivated. Nothing in my cup. How am I going to get my life together?

[GezzaP]

Hang in there @creative_writer . Has your psychiatrist ever suggested ECT for your depression? I had it. Worked wonders without having a full course. You don’t feel a thing they give you a general. Effects memory a bit but not so much in my experience. I’ve had 7 of them when I was clinically depressed. Never get that bad again though have had SI. You should tell you psychiatrist about the SI. They might suggest ECT. You can have it as a day patient these days I believe.

I drank too much coffee today and gave myself the runs! Self-inflicted. Having a water now strictly water. Was able to eat a  little bit. Had leftover Chinese for lunch and lasagne for dinner. Not much for dinner but a bit.

Slept for 4 hours then napped for 2 hours then napped again for another hour. Still tired disjointed sleep not good. Got chores done.

Have spent afternoon resting except for bringing in some indoor plants that I watered earlier. 

Went for usual morning walk and watered pots under eaves.

psychologist calls tomorrow morning at 9am. Will stay home tomorrow. Helper comes Thursday. He has an inspection tomorrow morning.

Keep on fighting the fight and soldier on. 

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP no, my psychiatrist never recommended ECT, he has always been sort of conservative. He has mostly just been managing meds, but the only problem is I find I destabilise after some time. I don’t know if he will change up meds or add another one in or something. I have zero motivation and feel completely shattered.

Too much coffee isn’t so great for the stomach. I’ve been off coffee and been getting my caffeine from matcha. I do try to avoid caffeine close to bed.

[GezzaP]

I can’t do without my morning coffee @creative_writer  and like one after lunch. Don’t normally drink after that. Stick to water mostly but had lots this morning. Was because I couldn’t go back to sleep for ages. Was up most of the night. 

ooh a conservative psych not necessarily a good thing. I had it in hospital decades ago.  Don’t go to hospital anymore. Managed by meds. Mostly self-managed. Will take two sleep meds tonight for example. Must sleep as psychologist calling tomorrow at 9.