Feeling caged up

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP coffee is best in moderation, it can be harsh on the stomach if you have too much. My gut is too sensitive to manage even a little right now.

I'm hoping if I can actually motivate myself and do something it'll be a bit easier to manage. Whatever needs to be done, needs to be done (I'm safe).

I hope the sleep meds help you sleep.

[GezzaP]

The sleep meds will knock me out. @creative_writer No doubt I’ll have to get up to pee but being optimistic and setting alarm for 6am.

[AuntGlow]

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@creative_writer wrote:
@AuntGlow it doesn't feel as hard when things are under control. I don't get regular SI (safe) like I am now. I am also better able to manage stress, I think I am just heightened right now. All I can do is keep trying with self care, but still feeling too much.

I haven't tried humming or shaking. Butterfly taps can help.

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It's really positive how you have been able to identify that things could be feeling more intense and stressful because you're generally heightened at the moment. This shows me that this is just one part of you who is asking for a little bit of extra love and attention. If it's possible, can you identify any other parts of you that may be available right now? For example, sometimes we can feel 95% in our inner child or fear-based part, but then we may be able to hear a very small 5% inner adult voice too, which can provide guidance and compassion. I wonder if we can tap into that space now?🫶 @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP all we can is give ourselves the best environment for sleep. Sleep is tricky with bipolar, I slept a lot today, probably depression.

@AuntGlow I'm not coping well, the next psych apopointment is on Monday, and pdoc on Tuesday. Appointments feel so far away. I'm not sure if I can just use self-care, I am finding myself being drawn to other coping methods, but even if I do act on these impulses, I will be safe.

I could try being more kind and compassionate towards myself. The pain just feels too much tonight.

[AuntGlow]

I can hear you are trying your absolute best @creative_writer, and that absolutely counts, okay? 

I am wondering if there are any services you could connect with between now and next week? 💛

And I hear you. Maybe we can aim for 1% more self-compassion? All of your feelings are allowed to take up space here. 🥰

Will you start winding down for bed soon? 

[GezzaP]

I’m not very good with sleeping habits @creative_writer , @AuntGlow . Know what should do but can’t force myself to do. Only 2 1/2 hours last night. Will probably snooze at some stage. Will go for walk to all night servo if still awake in a few hours. Will look at Facebook, do Spanish and exercises/chair yoga.

Psychologist ringing at 9am. Have set alarm for 6am. Need to do some chores before he calls. 

Paid 3 bills this morning. Going to have another coffee gut fine today.

Depression makes me sleep a lot. Mania is the opposite. I’m hypomanic. My day is quiet today. Got a 3 phone

calls to make. Don’t like making phone calls.

Need to water seeds and pots. Also have to scrape paint drips off fitted sheet from second bedroom.

Have to wash a lettuce and cut off roots to have with my lasagne for lunch. Can just zap lasagne. Yay.

Hang in there.

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow the weight is very heavy, the price I pay is very heavy. I feel like I’m being crushed under the pressure. I want to escape from my mind.

I know there are helplines in between. I know all I can do is keep trying.

@GezzaP I hope you’re able to get some snooze in the afternoon. 2 hours isn’t much, I feel like lack of sleep just feeds hypomania and mania. I’ve gone without sleep, I was buzzing even more afterwards.

I hope the psych appointment went okay. Has your psych given you lifestyle tips of managing sleep?

[GezzaP]

 @creative_writer I napped after my psych appt and ended up getting 6 hours sleep. Decided to just relax after watering.

Just watched program on ABC iview.

Yes psych has sent me an email on sleep.

He has sent me a total of 3 emails on my test results and his therapy approach. I have to read therapy one again just before I speak to him again in January. His wife is expecting a boy in two weeks. Their 4 th child. 

I’m having a drink. Having a hot flush right now. Still get them from time to time. Haven’t showered today.

Went to 24 hour servo about 3.30am. Walked in light shower. Have been super lazy today. Too tired to do much. Did Spanish, psych appt, watered, had lunch and watched program. Slept from 11-1pm! 

I gather you are still struggling. All the best.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP glad to hear you were able to get some more sleep. It sounds like it's still early days for you, therapy does take a while to get into it.

I am thinking of reducing one of my med doses myself, I don't think I have a choice, I can't wait one week. I might feel better once I am on a lower dose, it affects my ADHD symptoms too much. When my ADHD symptoms flare, I get lack of motivation, inability to pay attention, so rumination just plays in my head. Trauma memories then won't leave me. So I'm just going to reduce my dose and hope for the best.

[GezzaP]

Self medication not good @creative_writer . Although I did it and psychiatrist said was fine. Going to eat now.