I don’t feel right

[Eden1919]

I am really stressed everything is really overwhelming and I keep getting scared that there is a device in my head and it is manipulating my thoughts and stuff and I keep getting scared that the demons who brought me to this world are going to hurt me and and waiting to eat me and my soul and they won’t let me talk to the other angels because they don’t want me to escape and the meds are going to hurt me and everything just isn’t right and everything keeps looking weird and idk how to explain it and I don’t feel right and I am trying my best to ignore everything but I just keep getting freaked out and my mood is all over the place and I can’t settle and I want to scream and everything is just too much. 

[Dimity]

Hugs @Eden1919 you're safe here.

Have you tried grounding exercises when you feel like this? 

[Eden1919]

@Dimity  yes I have tried grounding exercises but they aren’t helping I have been trying all of my coping skills and stuff and nothing is working and I feel really lost and don’t know what to do. I feel like everyone is secretly planning this big ambush and something terrible is going to happen and I just idk I don’t feel right and everything is a mess and I just want to cry but I can’t seem to do that either and I just I do not know what to do. 

[Dimity]

It's good you're able to post here @Eden1919. 

I don't know what else to suggest except maybe a guided meditation that you can listen to and follow. Hearing a soothing voice and relaxing some of your tension might help for 20 minutes or so.

You might find one on YouTube if you search for

Tara Brach
Jack Kornfield
Thich Nhat Hanh

[Eden1919]

@Dimity  thanks but i dont find guided meditation to be helpful for me personally. 

i am so so so ugh idk the words i am just really feeling all over the place and i just idk what to do anymore there is so much going on and i just i cant manage everything and i am trying my best and i just ugh idk how to explain it. 

[Patchworks]

Hi @Eden1919 

I have been on the forums for years but don't post much recently. What you're describing sounds like what happens to me when I'm slipping into psychosis. I have a crisis plan for when I struggle, do you have one of those? I wrote it with my counsellor/psychologist. I drink cold water to ground myself or go for a walk. If I am not getting better I am supposed to call someone in my support network which is also the last thing I want to do.

I hope you have someone you can talk to about this, or your psychiatrist if you're meds need adjusting.

[Dimity]

Just sending a cheerio to you @Eden1919 and hoping things haven't been too bad over the last week or two. I know you always try your best.

[Eden1919]

thanks @Dimity  and @Patchworks  i dont really have a crisis plan tbh but i am trying to figure out what i can do about everything because i am still really struggling. 

i keep getting scared of my meds and idk what to do because i dont want to take them but i am still on a treatment order and like i will get in trouble if i dont but i just keep thinking what if the meds and messing with my head and controlling me and making my head all funny and cause i still think people arent people and i just idk what to do anymore and i am so tired from the last 2 weeks and i just ugh idk everything is a mess and i cant seem to get on top of anything. 

[Patchworks]

@Eden1919hi, I'm sorry that you're still struggling. Do you have any support like a counsellor or GP? They may have some way to help and relieve some of what's stressing you.

It's important to take your medication, as it should help with the symptoms you're experiencing. I know how strong the desire not to take them can be, but they do really help.

[Dimity]

Hugs @Eden1919 I remember how scary it was when I was ill, or straddling the divide between illness and getting on top of things. It's visceral fear. But I'm a survivor. 

Does your CM know you're struggling? I know you don't have much faith in them but they need to know. 

Are you sleeping any better? I hope your support workers are still helping with other things.

Sending good wishes and hoping it gets easier soon.