Struggling with trauma

[Gwynn]

Last night I was struggling a lot with trauma.  I have a lifelong disability (from birth) and due to that I saw a lot of doctors as a kid, most of them good (but painful & humiliating) but some of them bad.  I know my parents were trying to do the best thing for me, but it still hurts.  Last night I cried, I knitted and I listened to some loving-kindness audios.  The grief still lingers.  What should I do?

[saltandpepper]

Sounds to me like you did a good job taking care of yourself and made it through the night. I hope tonight is a better night for you

[Gwynn]

Thank you, @saltandpepper, for your kind words. I think tonight I will just collapse into bed because I'm still quite tired. Thank you @Emelia8 for being there for me.

[Emelia8]

@Gwynn 💕

[Appleblossom]

@Gwynn 

 It is always good to see you posting around the forum and you are often optimistic.  I am so sorry your were feeling this way.  You obviously know all the usual self care tips and follow them.  Life is not fair, and physical health can be like a lottery.  Still have to cope with it and the sense of despair and trauma.

Sending good will and vibes and a painting of a cosy corner.

Apple

Margaret Olley

[saltandpepper]

@Gwynn Also wanna say that I think it's OK the grief still lingers. Grief is a normal response to trauma. If you need to grieve for what has happened, do it, you deserve to acknowledge what happened and mourn

The other thing I usually suggest for people who struggle with trauma of a night is to make your bedroom as engaging as you can stand. Create tactile sensations everywhere. For me, I find it helpful to have things my physical senses can respond to straight away when I wake from a nightmare. It helps to pull me out of it quicker--I think so anyway. I use a white noise app, have a scented room spray sitting next to my bed, and also invested in some nice bedding. I don't sleep with socks on, I do this thing where it's like walking while in bed so I can feel the sheet rubbing on my feet. It sounds very weird but it's just that sensory thing, it's grounding. Anyway that's enough embarrassing tips from me.

[wellwellwellnez]

@Appleblossomits loungeroom and a rainbow.

[wellwellwellnez]

That is a really good point about positive sensations. Me, I spend each day ironing out knots, nervous loops n stuff. That's all fine (exercise even) but what about making an environment that gives you a pat on the back every now and then? (or a foot-rub?)

[Gwynn]

Thank you @Appleblossom for your kind words - sometimes I find it difficult to contribute to discussions because I don't want to come off as Pollyanna and upset people, but I do try to have an optimistic outlook on things. Thank you for the goodwill, good vibes and cosy corner. That painting looks beautiful.

Thank you, @saltandpepper, for saying that it's OK that the grief lingers, and for your tips on creating a sensory environment in your bedroom. I know when I got up from my knitting, crying and listening, my body was stiff and sore - it had kept the score for me. I did do a bit of gentle stretching as well to get ready for bed.

Thank you @Bunniekins and @wellwellwellnez for your support and for sitting with me today.

I've put the crockpot on for dinner (beef and tomato curry) and am thinking of getting dressed before my support worker gets here, haha.

[Appleblossom]

@Gwynn I know what you mean by not wanting to be pigeon holed as a do gooder.  Ahhhh the holes we are popped into ...

Here is a movie ... not sure if its your type?

https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/video/1634524227923/the-pigeon