my therapist yelled at me

[EternalFlower]

trigger warning: abuse

Ok EternalFlwoer. I have reflected further and yes I will agree I was being somewhat unfair saying you were 'lying' and I will apologize for this. But there is no question you communicate as you say in 'roundabout' ways or as I say with more accuracy you 'equivocate' which while not black and white lying is nevertheless a shade of grey in the direction of dishonesty. And that's what I was reacting to. The rest of my thoughts remain same as yesterday. I honestly don't believe I can assist you as a psychiatrist psychotherapist for all the reasons I have already said. I took you on as a patient recommended as suitable for psychodynamic psychotherapy in good faith as suggested by Dr. A from ABC but enough time has passed and based on my own observations this is just not the case.

[EternalFlower]

hi @Ru-bee i felt not so safe over the weekend (although i'm okay now) after a barrage of abusive texts from him

he said that my messages were "rubbish" "nonsense" "more lies"

"i cannot work with a patient who lies"

and told me i need custodial care

all sorts of names, one after the other, i feel really distressed unfortunately. I feel like abuse can never be condoned 😞

[EternalFlower]

@Ru-bee hi Ru- bee 😞 i'm not doing too well but had a support worker come and spend time with me. I have a new Dr.

This old Dr has really hurt me and made me feel so sad 😞

I feel unsafe in my skin at times, but i also feel i just need to get through the next day, and see what comes.

I think he might call me again to scream at me. He's done it before. I am prepared this time. I am not going to let him bully me a second time.

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower It all sounds very unprofessional. Surely he will stop initiating contact now that you are not his client?

You really don’t have to accept abuse.

How is it with your support worker?

[EternalFlower]

@Appleblossom im away at the moment, so i have a new support worker in my state

you were quite right initially that it was abuse, and unacceptable.

I am shaken that someone would talk to me that way, but also ashamed, that i let such a person into my life.

i am ashamed and hurt by those who advised me to keep seeing him 😞 including my case manager, who told me repair is something I need to work on. I wish I had a safe home and person to hold my hand through this all.

I have a great support worker, and in my new state where i am now i have found someone via an app, who is young, bubbly , and up for a chat. She's been hanging out a bit, but doesn't know much about mental health, which is okay.

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower 

I just have a long lived experience for myself and family members (55 years) so been watching the field for a long while, plus trainings over 30 years. A lot of the time I didn’t know exactly what was going on, so I kept learning. Overall, I am no longer impressed by many paid practitioners. Though, hip hip hooray for the good ones.

Yep, had to put up with “ the badly behaved psychiatrist “ yesterday. It’s an ongoing theme, and I am trying to learn from it to be more steely, when she is gratuitous or disingenuous with her narcissism and attention seeking. 

Roundabout thinking… can be avoidance and protective. If the therapist is asking black and white questions that are too invasive for the level of trust … then it is reasonable to deflect a little. Also some circumstances are too complex for blunt interrogation. We all have the right to shield or veil ourselves when needed.