Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[snowlee127]

@Tanoozle yes, we have changing identity, changing life circumstance, changing social environment, we often are trying to hold on to the external things, but we came to life with knowing of death. How much can we really physically own? Very well said @Tanzoozle and especially for carers, for people who had experienced trauma, many people have to move beyond the concept of 'why me' to be able to see the light. Knowing that it is a journey no matter what is a form of coping. 

[soul]

@snowlee127 - I like that third person analogy. I think it would be useful to record interactions and analyse them afterwards. Often communication gets misconstrued. I have reread messages and emails to try to figure out what in the world was going on at the time and how situations can get out of hand. 

[Former-Member]

I find accepting a situation does not remove the fear and how to balance fear with the practical aspects of risk?

[snowlee127]

Yes, and what is really fascinating about self-awareness or accepting oneself is that it gives us-Serotonin. And what else gives us-Serotonin?-Anti-depressant. Being a country that has one of the highest prescriptions of anti-depressant, we know none-pharmaceutical intervention gives us much sustainable effectiveness. I can advocate enough for interventions such as CBT and mindfulness! 

[CherryBomb]

Only another 15 minutes, now is the time to get in any final thoughts and questions!

[soul]

I think that writing down your thoughts can be useful. When we speak to others, it's instant and it's impossible to take back utterances. Even trying to explain when the other party has a set idea in their head that they won't let go of can be difficult.

Documenting what you are thinking can be solely for your own benefit to clarify your thinking. If you decide to share them to another person, it gives you the opportunity to delete, rephrase etc before you hit send. 

[snowlee127]

@Former-Member and you are right. The mindfulness therapist that we used for our carers, she is a carer herself. She said when her mentally ill autistic son grabbing her car key after 10 bottles of beer, the fear is unbearable. It took her a very very long time to practice and to do what she has to do [alarm the police and calling his friends that he maybe drive to] but also to be able to accept the worst may happen. It is not to say it will work for everyone, it may involve in the process of accepting the worst outcome and we are not all ready to do it. 

[CherryBomb]

@Former-Member @soul and @Former-Member

I really like @snowlee127 discription of acceptance of being grounded in the present. I think, to your point, @Former-Member, worrying can often can bound up in the future. And @soul regret is often linked to the past. Being present in the now - the present moment -  is where we can make changes, in our approach, behaviours and our perspectives. We can't control the events of the future, it hasn't happened yet. And we can't change the past, it already gone by. So use the present to not repeat regrets of the past, and to shape the future. 

[Former-Member]

@soul  I went through a process.... and writing is certainly a big part of my process.  In many forms.  Writing a novella, for cathartic reasons, writing to get the muddle in my head out into an external medium and use it as a filter and clearance house so to speak, and for deeper insight and understanding.  Just for all round grounding as well.  So I too use writing, in many variances for all sorts of reasons.

[snowlee127]

@Former-Member Yes and that's why acceptance, the word doesnt reflect the process and the many many meaning of acceptance.