Trying makes it worse

[Zahlia]

Hi @EternalFlower 

Zahlia here, one of the mods on tonight. Reading your post I'm a little worried about you. You've taken some meds but aren't exactly sure what to do. You just feel so hopeless and helpless tonight.

Are you worried about your immediate safety? I would recommend reaching out for some medical advice or a crisis service just with the medication you took...

  

Unfortunately, the Forums aren’t a counselling or crisis service, however you can call any of the following services now for immediate support: 

  

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat 

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling 

If in immediate danger: 000 

I will also send you an email to check in privately

Zahlia 💛

[Jynx]

Aww @EternalFlower I am sorry that you are feeling so lost and like no one cares. That's an awful feeling. 

How are you going today hun? 

[EternalFlower]

Hi, I went to the public hospital today , and I am being discharged from their care in 3 months.

The psychiatrist was really scary in the discussion, raised his voice, etc. Have a history of DV and I felt physically uncomfortable with him in the room.

I am feeling like absolute shit.

@Zahlia @Jynx 

[Jynx]

Oh that's awful @EternalFlower I am so sorry you were treated that way. Grrr makes me cranky!

How are you travelling this arvo?? 

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Jynx @Appleblossom @Oaktree @Owlunar2 @Shaz51 @Zoe7 

hope all are well

have been sectioned this week, had a really hard week - it has been a horrible year with very limited supports.

Really exhausted by it all sadly

i hope life is good in your respective worlds 🙂 keep on keeping on x

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower Really good to hear from you, but saddened that you are experiencing the coercive side of the system.  Do what you need to do to get through. I hope there is some companionship from others, but it can also be challenging to have to get along with all sorts of people going through different crises in a live in basis.  The hope is that the staff set up a better situation for when you are discharged. Fingers crossed. Maybe there will be a good session run by a good therapist of some kind, and not just the cold clinical feel. I know some workers care. 

My situation is relatively stable at the moment, but heavy laden. So I am talking about choppy seas and silver  lining in the clouds. 

sending pics again, cos they cheer me up.Significant natural formFaster streamsSlow streams

[Jynx]

@EternalFlower oh hun that is so rough. Having our agency removed is so destabilising hey. Here for you darlin!! 

Is there anything the community can do to support you at the moment? Here in your corner always 💜

[EternalFlower]

hi @Jynx thank u for being in my corner

thank u @Appleblossom for also being in my corner

thank u @Glisten @Snowflake for sharing ur experiences with me safely

thank you @TAB and my missed friend @tonys who i send heart-hugs to through the ether.

I am at the point where i feel like if something good doesn't happen soon I can't bear anoher day.

In a weird way, having a man scream at me for 28 minutes yesterday just sort of brought it all to the surface and triggered me enough to say i can't go on like this

I feel utterly powerless to change, but i will  not put my own power in someone else's hands

I know it wasn't okay for him to scream at me but I also know the people around me clinically will tell me to give him a second shot

this just shows me i don't have the right ppl around me

I'm so sick of being treated like I am the problem

I am struggling with SI and SH but I am safe.

I am trying to survive another day and will not take anyone screaming at me again!

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower I really don’t think it wise to give that therapist a second chance. It was totally unacceptable behaviour from him. 

It sounded as if the gp was good though. I do hope your team doesn’t coerce you into seeing the bad dude. It is not a good fit, and the rupture is too serious to go in for repair. Some therapeutic relationships go through minor ruptures and repairs and that can be good and healthy, but not with the rude dude.

[EternalFlower]

hi @Appleblossom i'm glad to hear from u 🙂

i think my team will push me to see him, because they want to get rid of me, and they said he was my main source of therapy which is what i really needed

i have an earlier letter from my previous case manager saying i shoudln't see older male cliicians as it triggers me

this has proved correct

its not ALL older male clinicians but this man is rude, grumpy, and entitled