Trying makes it worse

[EternalFlower]

Hi @maddison @Appleblossom @tyme @TAB @Freedom11 

Hoping u bad a good weekend.. watching the rain now on my window overlooking the city. Pretty.

Did anyone get up to much over this weekend?

[TAB]

Nice re view @EternalFlower didn't really do anything no. Still can't wait to get to bed tonight tho lol

[EternalFlower]

Sleep is always good @TAB Hope u got some well deserved rest.

Had a meeting today with a peer worker who was quite sweet and inspiring, that was helpful.

We talked about trauma and how we talk about it to others.

Hope everyone is ok @maddison @Appleblossom 

[TAB]

Thanks @EternalFlower , yes caught up in the end. Thats good your session was positive

[Appleblossom]

Thats a good discussion topic @EternalFlower 

I am alright. Not great. Thanks for asking.

Back from meat and supermarket shop.

Did music this morning.

Rain here.

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Appleblossom sorry not great. How was Ur day? 

[EternalFlower]

Hi there

Have struggled with si recently and got into issue with the treating team, I didn't know how to tell them, then when I did, it came as a shock and now I'm having a lot of calls and attention. 

I find it embarrassing 😳 🤦 😕 

I feel like I can't find the line between sharing honestly and masking, I'm struggling a lot.

@Appleblossom @TAB @maddison @tyme @Freedom11 @Shaz51 

[TAB]

Better to be embarrassed than dead? @EternalFlower Sometimes I think whats the point or whatever .. then I forget about it I mention it to friends sometimes maybe Best to share I would think They are just doing their job Sometimes its your job just to stay alive though

[Appleblossom]

Its really tricky @EternalFlower  and you are the expert in your own  experience.

I had a "reflection" on SI yesterday, when I was in a place I had considered it a lot.  I rarely discuss it with my "team".  I have only raised it about 4-5 times over 30 years but it has been pretty extreme and frequent for me.  My best approach is focus on the therapy ... feeling better about yourself and your path in life.  Lack of attention has been a big issue in my life, some attention is helpful other attention is not.

It was interesting yesterday, I was not triggered, but reflective ... this is where I felt .... I can be here and not feel that this time .... kinda thing.

Keep taking care ... work through your trauma ... stay task focussed in your therapy.

[Former-Member]

Hey @EternalFlower, how are you doing today?

It's not fair that it's made you feel embarrassed. I also have not disclosed to medical professionals very much because I'm not really sure how they will respond. But I know you're not alone in these thoughts ❤️ 

When I have shared with my counsellor, I often have followed some of the tips in this post How to guide: Create safety online when talking about suicide. Not sure if there's anything in there...

Also, sometimes I really do what to talk about it without feeling judgement. Some folks on the forums like the "Alternatives2Suicide" (Alt2Su) groups. Not sure if that could be useful to you too? They are peer run groups which run all over the country and some online too. I'm not sure where you're located but you could have a look?