Hey @EternalFlower I'm so happy you reached out. I can tell you are struggling at the moment. I can also tell you have so much strength, despite enduring the weight of the world.
Yes, it is not the first or last time I have lost track of the days of the week. Sadly, this time I gave myself 8 days. I'm not really enjoying my second Friday so far.
Lots of problems with my friend. Manic behaviour means I don't get sleep.
I can really understand (as an observer) how you feel about hospital. I'm sure he would embrace the opportunity to be admitted as he feels he needs. I tend to agree with him too. And, no - he doesn't always feel so safe there either. Your doctor's response that 'you have a problem' kind of annoyings me. I have witnessed similar, less than professional support. I also have to remember that, I am not completely informed within the context it was said to you. I can totally appreciate that it made you feel unsupported, however.
I can't deny, that our health system is less than adequate. And also, we are so fortunate to have what we do. I liked your comment, wondering if the pandemic was worse for the staff or patients. The question itself might say enough.
I feel least sad for the psychs too! I'm not too good with psychiatry, in terms that I find it scary. My friend, has one of the most compassionate psychs I have ever met. He was very lucky there. My personal experience has not been anywhere near as good. Finding health staff (even a dentist!) that you can learn to trust is very difficult. I try to instill in my friend, how fortunate he is in that respect (with his current psych). It is only my opinion tho.
When I started becoming more active on SANE at the beginning of this year, I wasn't able to discuss suicide too much. It scared me a lot. My own feelings & thoughts were nicely buried. I thought it was a bad idea to re-live any memories I had.
The other part that scared me, was obviously if I spoke to member & then they hurt themselves. This was way too confronting for me. I actually wanted nothing to do with the subject.
Very surprisingly to me, I feel less personally traumatised by discussing it now. Of course it still affects me. Random thoughts will pop into my head during the day, wondering if "this person" is ok♥️
It can bring my mood down a little, I just get an underlying sadness - I guess wishing that no person ever had to feel that way... Now, I'm tearing up..
The thing is, if talking about it helps, & maybe sharing our pain can help us not have to carry so much on our own - then that's who I want to be.
It makes me happy that you found my communication style Re: SI , appropriate, or even beneficial. Digging up & acknowledging my own past traumas as an aware & compassionate adult, had been less traumatizing than I anticipated. Shining light can relieve shame. THANKYOU @EternalFlower @Appleblossom @TAB !
I feel better after writing all this to you. My second Friday night be ok xx
