Trying makes it worse

[outlander]

wondering how your going? @EternalFlower

[EternalFlower]

Hey @chibam much appreciated ur comment and for being here

I ended up ok at my aunts for a few days, the goal was to have a bath to alleviat the sore knee, and to be closer to my medical appointments. On thursday it helped as i saw gp and physio near her place so less commute. The place had been rented to a young family before me and they had a beautiful vibe i could feel ...kids decorations and beautiful decorations from their religion.

Hi @outlander i have been close to crises but i got through with x2 calls to lifeline. I am ok. Still so confused about who to trust and a bit worried about my medication as it was prescribed by my psychiatrist who i feel was so bad for me and just gave me no notice before going away for 5 weeks. And then i called and now its 6 weeks. My trauma brain is not so safe in itself. It feels so tired.

[outlander]

im sorry its been so tough @EternalFlower
sounds like the time at your aunts was beneficial though
how is your knee feeling? is it any better?

well done for reaching out to the helplines when you needed as well. Hopefully you can see a replacement psychiatrist soon while yours is away. are you able to email the clinic and say you have concerns about the new medications and want to talk to someone about them

[EternalFlower]

Hi @outlander thank u....i was considering doing that to try see someone else at his clinic but my cm said she could find me someone else. Still, i think i might try

 Might give me something to hold onto

My knee feels a tiney bit better, one is bit worse. But both hurt.

[outlander]

its definently worth asking @EternalFlower usually you can get to see someone within the clinic if you have concerns and your regular psychiatrist is away

sorry your knees are giving you grief. what does your physio say about the soreness, have they given you strategies to try and reduce the pain?

[EternalFlower]

Hi @outlander im having a bit of trouble navigating the forums but thank u for writing to me

I have some exercises to do which i managed today to try strengthen my knees 

Trying to get in with replacement psych while mine is away. It is really testing me.

I am shocked and hurt to have been left with no one.

I am in public and private system and they share my care but it does not work.

He did not notify them of his leave which was stupid imo.

I am sorry to rant. My heart is sort of broken. I opened it up to trust and get help and am in the same position as when i started, someone they discard and forget about

It recreates the ptsd i was seeking therapy for. It is very painful.

[outlander]

i hope your supports work out for you @EternalFlower its tough being left without supports let alone when we are told anything in advance either when its a planned event.
remember you can also contact the helplines and chat here too when things get tough

[EternalFlower]

Hi @outlander @chibam @Shaz51 @TideisTurning @Appleblossom 

Thanks @outlander it is really hard. I had a small break at my aunt and just packing up now and trying to settle back home.

The replacement psych offered to help and see me so that worked out sort of although i havent heard back about when.

I feel quite sleepy and overloaded. Have also just got on ndis which has funding for psychotherapy so thinking who i can choose as my psychotherapist.

Choice is good, though.

[Appleblossom]

Yep choice is good @EternalFlower when we are not overwhelmed.

The forums have grown. I have spent a lot of time just reading other people's experiences.  Sometimes that would help me feel better, not that other had a hard time, but more normalising struggling with life.  Glad you are talking with @outlander 

Abandonment and trauma are difficult to work through, but you can work through it.

Gentle waves both of you

Going to water my physio garden.  I put in plants last week.  Giving them extra til they establish....

Apple

[EternalFlower]

Thanks @Appleblossom 

Trauma is very heavy atm i keep having this thought that without family or money i cant make it.

It Is good to feel less alone and it is quite amazing how isolating, heavy thoughts that feel really different to the person walking down the street are in fact universal.

I hope u are doing well...the garden sounds cool