Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

@Phoenix_Rising @CheerBear have read your posts - some very interesting points - need to read again with a clearer head and a little more focus 

@Phoenix_Rising 2 point sthat have 'stayed in my head' and I totally agree with you on

1. I see alot of things in black and white (so I am told) - like having tangible outcomes for problems and not an arbitrary list to choose from  (that muddles my brain lol)
2. "Im ok just as I am... but need to change" I see this as a dichotomous statement - it can't be both - for me it needs to be one or the other!

Little Phoenix is trying to motivate me to actually open my book but isn't having much success. I will catch up to you guys - just not able to concentrate at present on anything more than a shopping list (and that needs to be one that I can take through the 12 items or less register lol)

[CheerBear]

@Zoe7 - take it as slowly as is right for you 💗

[Zoe7]

That is my only speed atm @CheerBear - well maybe 2 speeds - slow and slower lol

[CheerBear]

Slow or slower it is then @Zoe7 🙂

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear and @Zoe7 I am so super glad we are sharing this adventure together but not. I can't hang around here right now because I am a little busy riding the waves. But I wanted to drop by and tell you (and whoever else is reading along) that the whole concept of riding the waves is on pages 404-405 of the manual.

[CheerBear]

I am so seriously looking forward to getting up to some of the good bits of the manual @Phoenix_Rising (like wave riding) 😄

I feel like I need a close off phrase that's a more appropriate version of "happy surfing" (because that totally doesn't work), but my brain power was lost writing parts 1 and 2 of this adventure novel and I can't think of one right now :S

[Zoe7]

I'm going to go with "Flippers Up Phoenix" @CheerBear lol @Phoenix_Rising

[CheerBear]

For the next chapter of my novel, I want to share some of the thoughts I have had reading part 1 and reflecting on your post earlier @Phoenix_Rising. (Side note: I am really hoping that when we get to the actual skills practicing part of the adventure, my posts will be less novel-esque and more of the quick share type posts).

It took quite a bit of brain power to get my head around the introduction of the manual, but I think I have a good enough idea of what it is about to be able to move forward with some understanding of what DBT is now. I don't think I can add much to what you have written as you captured it all so well. But I did have some thoughts.

Regarding the point about opposing forces, I can see that we all find grey difficult (you, @Zoe7 and me) but I wonder if that it may be for different reasons. I see the world in grey, but grey feels shaky and uncertain when it comes to me actually making a decision or taking action, which is where I think my black and white thinking can come in. Rather than sit with the uncomfortableness that comes with grey, I can go completely one way or the other because it feels more stable and secure to do so. It is the livng with the paradoxes/contradictions/polarities (whatever the right word is here) that that trips me up when.

It made further sense when I considered that significant dialectic - "The need for clients to accept themselves as they are, and the need for them to change". I too find this a really tricky one. I have found "acceptance" of anything really, really hard as I believe accepting things doesn't change them, and all I want to do so desperately is have them change. Perhaps a key for me in my journey through this will be that maybe if I can work on accepting myself as I am, I will be able to stop fighting myself and the effect of that will be that will be change. (And just like that, the words "stop fighting yourself" said a million times to me from my psychologist, made sense). 

My understanding of how all of this equates to something kind of helpful, is that DBT is based on both acceptance skills and change skills that can be used to work through problems. I can definitely see the benefit of incorporating both 'types' of skills in probelm solving. They seem like a great match for tackling the trickiness of grey (as well as other times).

You also mentioned an important point for me in your part c) that I have been really wanting to share. I have had a huge reluctance to try to move forward things through the use of certain skills or techniques, as I have felt that if I did make progress it could "prove" or "demonstrate" to others (who would then reiterate this to me), that all along I have actually been the problem. I found that having this realisation about myself was really uncomfortable but helpful because it gave me someting to work with. As I have mentioned a number of times before, I seriously struggle with some approaches to psychotherapy as I feel we need to change the problems of the world, not the people who are having problems living in the world. A turning point for me in this stuckness, was when I came across the detailed discussion of presenting DBT assumptions later in the book (I realise I may be jumping ahead here but I feel it is worth mentioning now) that stated that People may not have caused all of their own problems, but they have to solve them anyway (Linehan, 2015, p.53). This sentence really changed the way I saw things as I felt I shifted from a notion of needing to 'fix myself as the problem', to one that feels more like needing to live more effectively with life circumstances that have been problematic. From this place, I became really keen on learning anything that may help me solve the problems.

I really hope I haven't added any confusion to this adventure, as I am aware I have a bit of a habit of doing so. I'm also rambling but I appreciate having a space where (I hope) it's ok to ramble like this, that I can revisit as I go along. Looking forward to some skills!

[Faith-and-Hope]

Okay .... hi guys ....

I would like to inject something here that I hope you will all find helpful .... just from a moseying around in the bachground perspective ....

Instead of grey per se, can you consider the span in between black (as one polarisation) and white (as the opposite and equal polarisation) as a colour spectrum.  

Black and white appear safer, because all the colour adds a kaleidoscope effect that you are viewing as confusing rather than beautiful .... which is natural to some people, and not a "fault".

Think of it more like the colours in @CheerBear's coloured crocheted rug .... without an understanding of how the pattern comes together, it feels daunting .... so a monochrome rug with a rigid, simplified pattern is easier to adhere to.  Neither is wrong ... and both can be appreciated with acceptance of their own value.

So, it terms of the conundrum of "accepting yourself as you are while simulateously accepting the need to change" .... it might be useful to think of ourselves as a crocheted rug, that is at once complete as it is, but incomplete in terms of what it can become .... a work in progress in other words,

💜

If this is confusing or unhelpful, I am happy to remove the post.