Feeling caged up

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP maybe follow up with your doctor about the meds, sometimes meds need adjustments.

I haven’t actually been in a romantic relationship before, I’ve been scared to go into one for a very long time, it feels harder due to my trauma history. Nor have I met anyone I feel safe enough with. One can say the trauma shouldn’t have happened, but it did. I’ve lost a lot. It’s so hard. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise how difficult it was for me to talk to my psych about it last session

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer Yes I will follow up with psych about meds and sleep next week. Almost fell asleep in the afternoon. In bed already. So sorry you have experienced trauma.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP I hope you sleep well tonight 💖. Sometimes med changes also take a few days to settle, I reckon checking in with your psych next week is a good idea

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer I slept ok last night. Have managed to shower today and put clothes in washing machine. Need to wash towels as well. Next goal is to go to the shops that’ll be the hardest chore. Got the runs this morning. That’s anxiety. Put cat food outside she ate some of it.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP I hope today is a better day and you’re able to complete the necessary tasks.

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer I have been able to complete the necessary tasks. Shower tick, washing tick, and shops tick. Didn’t buy any smokes. Just got to bring the washing in later. Only had two smokes between 9am and 12.30pm. First thing in the morning I smoke too much can’t help it. Have to work on that. Hope your day is going ok.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP getting those small tasks done is an achievement, especially when you're feeling depressed. Smoking is a tough one, the withdrawals can be challenging.

I had my morning workout, reapplied for a job I applied for earlier this year, my brain couldn't concentrate so I used to the same resume and cover letter. I reached out to a Helpline, I needed to talk to someone about the invalidation I've experienced in the past when talking about trauma (this was from a previous therapist). It left me feeling like I was overreacting and I was the reason why I was stuck. I know it could've been worse, but doesn't stop it from hurting

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer Well done on doing job application! Yes it sucks when therapists don’t support you. I had two puffs of a smoke at 2pm and put it out. I get puffed out so easily. I’m really worried about my health but just can’t face up to it and go to GP at the moment. Last time I spoke to her I said I wanted to go on the tablets that block the nicotine urge again. I stopped smoking for a while once before on those. But I have to work up to booking a phone appointment again. I am still so depressed. 
My cat ate a little bit of her food today. I got her a different food today to try.

[creative_writer]

@GezzaP I left that therapist, she didn’t get it.

Booking GP appointments can feel hard sometimes. I need to book mine soon, I need to get the Eating Disorder plan for more psych rebated sessions. I think I might need to go in person. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves that extra push to make appointments.

I hope your cat’s appetite returns back to normal soon. It’s hard when they aren’t eating.

[GezzaP]

@creative_writer  I guess I should see my GP too but I just can’t face that at the moment. First I will have a phone call to get the stop smoking tablets. Then I’ll work up to go to see her.

It sucks when therapists don’t get it.

Yes I will try the new cat food tonight and we will see what happens.

I hope you can make the appointment with your GP.