Winter solstice

[Appleblossom]

@Dimity I am glad your physical health professionals are decent. It matters. I am also glad you are going to get some MH support soon.  Yep. Life is complicated and when there are many issues, some take precedence.

 I am so grateful to the Buddhist nun who 20 years ago suggested I practice metta meditation. Loving kindness to the self and all beings. We only had a 5 minute conversation but I gained so much. 

re legals and family dynamics 

it is not possible to please everyone. I hope there isn’t too much drama from the family member who may be put out. I am sure you are trying to do the right thing.

 I have had to walk away from a legal battle this year. I just couldn’t see how it would have a good outcome beyond making lawyers rich. It was agonising for a few months, but I believe I am making the right call, it wasnt all up to me, anyway.  

i respect your care for your vulnerable sister.

[AuntGlow]

That sounds so overwhelming for you @Dimity.

I can't even imagine... one of these things alone would be a lot, but all of them at once would be so much for your body and mind to hold. 

I know it's so hard for us to support you in the ways you may need from afar, but please don't hesitate to let us know if you need support with something specific. 

For example, you mentioned finding the joy in things, but finding it a little tricky - would some check-ins around this help? Just like your walks, I get the sense they will help you to find equilibrium amidst this sense of destabilisation. And you absolutely deserve to find these pockets of peace throughout your day.

Sending you big hugs. 🥰

[Dimity]

Thanks @AuntGlow . Yes I think I need help in finding the joy in things. Deprivation and self-denial over time... and no sense of ever having been nurtured... leave me a bit incompetent at the selfcare others here talk about. I live very simply and am not ambitious - I'm becoming more aware there are others with this mindset - but am open to more glimmers and signposts. Soulcare. 

Noticing and accepting if/when others reach out, and reciprocating. 

[AuntGlow]

I hear you @Dimity... it's almost like your nervous system goes 'oh this feeling isn't accessible/safe' and shuts down before you can experience things like joy... and it's understandable that you would find it hard to trust that feeling if you haven't been nurtured enough by the people around you. How your body is reacting makes sense, which is why it needs even more softness and compassion right now. So, maybe small glimmers and moments of joy/safety will help this space to grow? I think it would help for it to be held by your friends here as well. Who would you like to check in on you and help you with this process? (It's okay if you don't want to answer, I just thought it might be helpful to have a couple of others here with you!)

Let me know - we're in this together. 💛

[NatureLover]

Hi @Dimity , I'm concerned that your home doesn't feel safe for you. I think you own it (as you don't seem to have any rental inspections!) so it can't be housing insecurity that worries you? Is it the destructive and hostile neighbours? Worried for you, as feeling safe in your home is critical to MH and functioning. Sending care ❤

[Dimity]

Thanks for your concern @NatureLover .Yes it is medium to longterm housing insecurity but I can't explain further due to guidelines. At my age  I also have to accept I may need to move into care at some stage anyway. It's secure enough for now. 

I've never felt "at home" as we moved a number of times and were almost always across 2 or more residences and this continued. And it's not just place, I've not felt at home with people. 

I know I'm supposed to looking out for positives . It's hard. Having been discharged by the surgeon yesterday,  this morning I was remembering (having flashbacks?) the things going wrong after surgery just before my mh relapse. 

Difficult weather.  I did a short walk in the rain and admired a patch of bluebells.

[NatureLover]

I'm sorry to hear that you do have some housing insecurity, @Dimity . 

Also that you've been having traumatic flashbacks. 😥

Our bluebells in the communal garden finally came out, very late. 

I hope that your legal and financial battles will ultimately set your future up well and securely. 

[Dimity]

Tonight we spring forward into daylight saving.